Give and Take

When I was little, we had a swing set in our back yard.  On one end of it was a thing we called the Push-me-Pull-me.  I have no idea what its real name was but that's what we called the glider type ride that needed two kids, working in rhythm, to make it go. You would push out your feet on the peg and the other kid would pull on their handle, then switch on the back swing. You had to push to get the pull, each of you, so you'd both enjoy the ride. The name could have been Give-me-Take-me.  That ride was one of the first concrete demonstrations of give and take that I can remember.

When we humans are born, we take.  Take take take! We are helpless and completely dependent on our parents for every need we have. At this point, the parents do alllllll the giving and we do allllll the taking. As we grow, our parents begin to teach us how to be Givers.  Especially if you are raised with siblings, sharing is one of the first giving lessons you're taught. We learn to share our toys or our snacks. The balance between taking and giving slowly begins to shift.

Because we are human, and human nature is what it is, the shift doesn't smoothly change from taking to giving in one gentle curve.  It looks more like an EKG read-out. As we go through school, we quickly learn who to share with by seeing how generous they are in return. Somewhere in grammar school, a Taker named Janice Hollar met a Giver named Pam, who gave over her allowance money and never saw it again. Ouch! Hard lesson! And certainly the teen years are defined by taking. It's the time when we are trying on all kinds of hats to see what we're actually made of. Because of that self-absorbed process, we are rarely thinking much about giving.

As we begin to have long term relationships outside of family, we become very giving. What feels better than giving a gift to a new love? Perhaps receiving one! And before you know it, one of these relationships becomes permanent. When we become parents, we see exactly how completely giving our parents were when we were babies. It's just plain true that you never fully understand this until you actually have a child of your own. We continue the ripple by teaching our children how to give.

While I think that there do exist Givers and Takers of all ages in this world, there is an ebb and flow involved. For instance, when you're sick, your partner or maybe your coworkers must give some more. And you must take. Or when life has shifted in a large and unexpected way and you just can't do it on your own...you need help! If you've given in the past, there are Givers around you who are more than willing to give to you. Of course, the converse is true. You sometimes must give much more than your share when someone else must take for awhile. 

As we grown older and the cycle winds around on itself again, we must naturally become Takers again. If we are lucky enough to have a giving partner to share our life with, we can play the give and take game for as long as we both are able. Give as much as you can, while you can! Your efforts will bring many rewards down the road.

I consider myself, at this stage of my life, a Giver. There have been times when I needed to be a Taker. It was very hard but necessary and I did it. I am doing my best to be a Giver now, since there are so many people who need to take, even just a little. With every massage session, I give as much of myself as I can, always remembering somewhere in my mind the enormous generosity I received when I needed to be a Taker. It's my pleasure to give. And when the ripple comes back and I might need to take again, I just need to remember that the Giver really wants to help me, if I have to be a Taker for just a little while.

Perspective

It happens to all of us, from the crankiest pessimist to the sunniest optimist. There comes a time when all of us get down in the dumps.  Feel sorry for ourselves. Want to stay under the covers and cry even. There's nothing wrong with that in my opinion. It's healthy to feel those waves of emotion. Difficult but normal. Ick.
Sometimes though, just when it feels like you are the only one on this good Earth that has a problem or even just the blues, you get a reminder that you are soooo not. If you notice and grab onto that reminder, you can ride a rejuvenating ripple back up to the sunny side of the street.
I had been feeling just a little blah, which for me, feels like a lot blah.  Not my norm. I can't drag that around though. At the very least, the world doesn't need another speck of negativity. Not to mention my clients, and especially my husband! I was working on it and to some degree feeling a little better. Took a nap, rested my body, mind and soul. Then tonight I had a massage outcall.
An outcall is very rare for me. Throughout my work days I give my all to my co-workers and clients. I like to spend my off time at home, ideally with Rick. But a friend asked me if I'd work with her friend at a re-hab hospital. He'd had a poor result from surgery and needed massage.  Would I call him? Of course, I did, and met with him tonight. The re-hab hospital turned out to be a nursing home. Here's this vital non-senior citizen in with a mainly elderly population. He is in a great deal of discomfort and has a high level of frustration. He needs a walker to move around. However, he and his wife greet me with enthusiasm and gratitude. Leading me to, what else but...
What the heck do I have to complain about?
I mean, for real...I have the use of my two good legs. I work in a spa; if I need massage, I just say so, any time. I have all the things I could ever want, and most importantly, the love of my life by my side. When I entered this man's room, it was like that smack in the face we all sometimes need to remind us of exactly how lucky we are.
But that's not all.
While I am working with my client and his wife, there comes a knock at the door.  A staff member pushes a wheelchair into the room, in which an elderly man is sitting. Although he was very old, he was sharply dressed. Although he spoke quietly and with some effort, he was still 'with it'. The man I came to work with introduced the elderly man and asked him to share his story. Turns out that the elderly man has been diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer.
WOW.
Not only that, his wife, experiencing dementia symptoms for a few years, had recently been told that she could no longer be on her own, and was going to be placed in a facility for her growing needs. When my client asked the elderly gentleman how long he and his bride had been married, he told us 59 years. His eyes lit up and he told us how they had met, courted and married. Before he left to return to his own room, my client asked his wife, a preacher, to pray for the man. We all joined hands as she spoke. When she had finished her prayer, the elderly man, tears streaming down his face, shook each of our hands, sincerely thanked us, and slowly wheeled himself out.
That smack in the face I mentioned earlier now was a full-on kick in the pants. When I set out to do my friend a favor and help out a person in pain, I had no idea what the session would bring. I knew that I'd be able to help with some pain and stiffness, but I was surprised, not for the first time either, at how I was helped too.
I know it's easier said than done to get out of a funk. I am most always a positive and cheerful person, but sometimes you just have to lay low and heal. It's not always that you have a series of reminders like I had tonight. While sad and touching, these events serve to help you re-frame your stuff and move forward in a better way. I choose to use these experiences to help me relate to others I meet, in the world, in the spa, on-line. My lessons learned are rippled forward, in the hopes that I can remember just how much I have to be grateful for and how much sunshine and love I have to give.