Life and death...perhaps the original ripple. A life begins, miraculous in itself. The ripples begin, circling out and out and out. Eventually, the ripples begin to return, in and in, smaller, tighter closer. The miracle of life, in this incarnation anyway, ceases.
Life. Especially new life! Oh so amazing! All those cells dividing to head to a stunning sum; a breathing, wriggling, snuggly irresistible creature arrives. New life has such a pull for me...as time goes on and as my own children have passed into adulthood, babies are just such a confirmation of hope and faith. Plus they just smell so yummy!
Death though, now that's another animal entirely. In our culture, we fear death and all it entails...loss, sadness, uncertainty, pain of all kinds. No less miraculous, just much tougher to grasp.
Yesterday, I had the privilege to receive news of both new life and death. Yes, you heard me, privilege. In this world of news-at-your-fingertips, we forget that news is shared. Someone thinks 'this is valuable information...I'll share it with you.' Well I certainly got my share yesterday.
Yesterday morning before I started work, I took a few minutes to check out Facebook. I came across News Gift Number One. Friends of ours recently welcomed their new daughter into the world, and they'd put a slide show of her home birth into an album which appeared on Facebook yesterday morning. Let me tell you, there are few words to describe it. Mom labored and gave birth at home, as naturally as could be. And though Mom had shared her experience with me already, while I held their 2-week-old sweet pea in my arms, the black and white photos of their family in these tender hours really told the story. 'Beautiful', like 'awesome' and 'amazing', have become such trite and overused words, but it was truly a thing of simple and emotional beauty. I was privileged to be able to witness it and celebrate the joy of a new life.
Later on that day, I received News Gift Number Two. This time though, I received news of the end of life. A young life. Ouch. Much more difficult to see this as a privilege.
Early this summer, in the midst of a very hectic day of massage, I looked over the client information form of my next client. The things I immediately noticed...Her unusual name. Her age. 14. And a glaring statement at the bottom of the page. Bone Marrow Transplant. As someone once said, "Hold up, wait a minute!" Took myself a few seconds and approached the only 14-year-old in the lobby. Reached my hand out and took hers. Introductions were exchanged and so began one of the most impactful hours of my life.
We headed back to my massage room. I explained what this type of massage is all about, since it was to be her first professional massage. Then I asked about the bone marrow stuff. She was matter-of-fact and clear. Diagnosed with cancer at 4. Bone marrow transplant coming up in a few weeks. Yow.
We had our session. Her body relaxed very well for a person unused to that kind of touch. Through my hands, I sent every positive message of gratitude that I had within me. She loved her massage, and as with any client, I loved helping her to feel better in some way. At the end of our session, I gave her a gift certificate that I'd received...I told her to feel free to come back before her procedure and that I'd be happy to help her relax before the big event. She and her Mom were very grateful. I was blown away by the entire thing.
The date of her transplant approached and she and her Mom appeared on our schedule. Shortly before the transplant, their names vanished. The front desk staff told me that they'd had to cancel, Dr's orders. I felt a little shiver of something...fear, premonition, who knows. All I know is that girl had stuck with me. I thought of her very often and wished for her. The summer passed by.
2 days ago, as I checked my schedule, I saw her Mom's name. A little hope and more than a little dread surged through me. I mentioned to Rick that she was coming in and that I hoped to hear some news. I brought along one of my crazy zombie dolls as a gift...they are right up this girl's alley! The appointment time drew near.
Right on time, Mom came through the door. And I knew. I've only met her once and I just knew what she'd tell me. We headed back to my room.
I asked her "What's happening with you?" She said, "Well, you remember my daughter that you worked on?" I said, "Of course! She made a very big impact on me." And she said "Well, she passed, on the 11th." And you all know what I did. Gave her a big hug and started to cry. No time for professional boundaries in this case. She shared with me some details of the end of her daughter's life. What a painful, gorgeous, poignant gift to receive. We went on to agree that if the session was too tough for either of us, we'd let the other know. Instead, it was a beautiful give and take, between client and therapist, between Moms of children of any age, between women, between human beings. Astounding to me, every day, every session, the power of touch and human connection.
At the end of our session, she told me that it was perfect...just what she needed. And somehow, just like meeting her daughter that day this summer, it was just what I needed too.
I asked her if she'd like the doll that I made, and she took it with gratitude. She said what I had thought might be true, "Oh, she would have loved this!" We hugged and we parted ways. I have a feeling we'll meet again.
The gifts of this day were enormous for me. Reminders to live, really live life. Feel it all, suck it up and share it with anyone you meet. Be thankful for the intersections of your life with others. Some of these moments are just too stunning to let them fly by unnoticed.
Welcome, Ainsley.
Farewell, Sixx.
Thank you both so very much for the ripples you've begun.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
Creativity
Earlier this summer, a new creative ripple began for me. It has turned out to be wide-spread and far-reaching. Although some of you have seen the fruits of my new creative bursts, I'd like to share with you exactly how this particular ripple began.
Friends of ours were expecting a baby, due in early September. For many years now, I have made baby quilts for the new little ones of friends and relatives. I love the entire process, from choosing the fabric to determining the pattern, to cutting up the fabric only to sew it back together again. In mid-summer, I went to the fabric store to wander around and get some inspiration. After a few hours of perusing, I decided on fabric and had a very loose idea of a pattern. I headed to the checkout line. In this particular store, waiting in line can take for-ev-er. They have strategically placed tons of small add-on items in the line, along with their magazine rack. As the line crawled by the rack, a crafter magazine caught my eye. It was called Stuffed and it had 3 crazy looking pink dolls on the cover. I picked it up and the rest, as they say, is history. Or ripple, if you prefer.
I did not buy the magazine that night. I'm not a huge consumer of stuff. Rick is the magazine person of our household. But I just could not get this magazine out of my head! The few dolls and creatures I saw had lit my imagination on fire! The next day, I went to another store that carried it and I bought it. And I bet I have looked at it a hundred times or more by now.
I did make the baby quilt, along with a very sweet dolly to match. That week, I not only completed those two projects, but three other 'zombie' type dolls. They are like nothing I have ever made!
Creativity is such a random thing! I have been creating since I was young; everything from drawing and writing to sewing and painting. Sometimes the ideas are so fast- and free-flowing that my hands can't seem to keep up with my imagination. And sometimes the well is dry, or so it appears, and the creative side of me settles on the back burner for awhile. Through periods in my life of great stress, sadness or challenge, the creative side of me almost dies, and though it sometimes seems like it will never return, it always does, just when I least expect it! And no matter how long it's been dormant, I welcome that side of me back with open arms, because it just feels so darn good to make something from start to finish.
The dolls I've made are piling up now on a shelf in our room. I have gifted some and bartered some. One was made from two fabric scraps I found on my walk one morning! I never know what will inspire the next creature...I just pull out the scrap bag, choose a fabric and get started. There are no such things as mistakes...when something doesn't go as I had planned, I roll with it and see what happens. The idea I finish with is almost never the idea I begin with, and that is the best thing about the whole process! The more dolls I make, the more that pop into my imagination!
If you are thinking of doing something creative, but don't know what you'll do or how to start, take my advice; just start! If you like the idea of painting, get some brushes and paint and see what comes out. If it's not at all what you like, try again. If it's a little what you like, keep going. If it's a lot what you like, share it, gift it or frame it! Remember, it's not what other artists in the world have done that you are basing your creativity on, it's what's in your heart and your hands. Creativity just plain feels good! So what are you waiting for?
The dolls I make now have their own Facebook page called Fiddleheads and Chaos. And I'm in the process of stocking the shelves of my new Etsy shop by the same name. I will offer my dolls as one-of-a-kind creations, but I'm also open to custom orders. I look forward to the ripples this new venture will bring my way. And I also look forward to seeing what you create! Let the creativity ripple begin!
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Give and Take
When I was little, we had a swing set in our back yard. On one end of it was a thing we called the Push-me-Pull-me. I have no idea what its real name was but that's what we called the glider type ride that needed two kids, working in rhythm, to make it go. You would push out your feet on the peg and the other kid would pull on their handle, then switch on the back swing. You had to push to get the pull, each of you, so you'd both enjoy the ride. The name could have been Give-me-Take-me. That ride was one of the first concrete demonstrations of give and take that I can remember.
When we humans are born, we take. Take take take! We are helpless and completely dependent on our parents for every need we have. At this point, the parents do alllllll the giving and we do allllll the taking. As we grow, our parents begin to teach us how to be Givers. Especially if you are raised with siblings, sharing is one of the first giving lessons you're taught. We learn to share our toys or our snacks. The balance between taking and giving slowly begins to shift.
Because we are human, and human nature is what it is, the shift doesn't smoothly change from taking to giving in one gentle curve. It looks more like an EKG read-out. As we go through school, we quickly learn who to share with by seeing how generous they are in return. Somewhere in grammar school, a Taker named Janice Hollar met a Giver named Pam, who gave over her allowance money and never saw it again. Ouch! Hard lesson! And certainly the teen years are defined by taking. It's the time when we are trying on all kinds of hats to see what we're actually made of. Because of that self-absorbed process, we are rarely thinking much about giving.
As we begin to have long term relationships outside of family, we become very giving. What feels better than giving a gift to a new love? Perhaps receiving one! And before you know it, one of these relationships becomes permanent. When we become parents, we see exactly how completely giving our parents were when we were babies. It's just plain true that you never fully understand this until you actually have a child of your own. We continue the ripple by teaching our children how to give.
While I think that there do exist Givers and Takers of all ages in this world, there is an ebb and flow involved. For instance, when you're sick, your partner or maybe your coworkers must give some more. And you must take. Or when life has shifted in a large and unexpected way and you just can't do it on your own...you need help! If you've given in the past, there are Givers around you who are more than willing to give to you. Of course, the converse is true. You sometimes must give much more than your share when someone else must take for awhile.
As we grown older and the cycle winds around on itself again, we must naturally become Takers again. If we are lucky enough to have a giving partner to share our life with, we can play the give and take game for as long as we both are able. Give as much as you can, while you can! Your efforts will bring many rewards down the road.
I consider myself, at this stage of my life, a Giver. There have been times when I needed to be a Taker. It was very hard but necessary and I did it. I am doing my best to be a Giver now, since there are so many people who need to take, even just a little. With every massage session, I give as much of myself as I can, always remembering somewhere in my mind the enormous generosity I received when I needed to be a Taker. It's my pleasure to give. And when the ripple comes back and I might need to take again, I just need to remember that the Giver really wants to help me, if I have to be a Taker for just a little while.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Perspective
It happens to all of us, from the crankiest pessimist to the sunniest optimist. There comes a time when all of us get down in the dumps. Feel sorry for ourselves. Want to stay under the covers and cry even. There's nothing wrong with that in my opinion. It's healthy to feel those waves of emotion. Difficult but normal. Ick.
Sometimes though, just when it feels like you are the only one on this good Earth that has a problem or even just the blues, you get a reminder that you are soooo not. If you notice and grab onto that reminder, you can ride a rejuvenating ripple back up to the sunny side of the street.
I had been feeling just a little blah, which for me, feels like a lot blah. Not my norm. I can't drag that around though. At the very least, the world doesn't need another speck of negativity. Not to mention my clients, and especially my husband! I was working on it and to some degree feeling a little better. Took a nap, rested my body, mind and soul. Then tonight I had a massage outcall.
An outcall is very rare for me. Throughout my work days I give my all to my co-workers and clients. I like to spend my off time at home, ideally with Rick. But a friend asked me if I'd work with her friend at a re-hab hospital. He'd had a poor result from surgery and needed massage. Would I call him? Of course, I did, and met with him tonight. The re-hab hospital turned out to be a nursing home. Here's this vital non-senior citizen in with a mainly elderly population. He is in a great deal of discomfort and has a high level of frustration. He needs a walker to move around. However, he and his wife greet me with enthusiasm and gratitude. Leading me to, what else but...
What the heck do I have to complain about?
I mean, for real...I have the use of my two good legs. I work in a spa; if I need massage, I just say so, any time. I have all the things I could ever want, and most importantly, the love of my life by my side. When I entered this man's room, it was like that smack in the face we all sometimes need to remind us of exactly how lucky we are.
But that's not all.
While I am working with my client and his wife, there comes a knock at the door. A staff member pushes a wheelchair into the room, in which an elderly man is sitting. Although he was very old, he was sharply dressed. Although he spoke quietly and with some effort, he was still 'with it'. The man I came to work with introduced the elderly man and asked him to share his story. Turns out that the elderly man has been diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer.
WOW.
Not only that, his wife, experiencing dementia symptoms for a few years, had recently been told that she could no longer be on her own, and was going to be placed in a facility for her growing needs. When my client asked the elderly gentleman how long he and his bride had been married, he told us 59 years. His eyes lit up and he told us how they had met, courted and married. Before he left to return to his own room, my client asked his wife, a preacher, to pray for the man. We all joined hands as she spoke. When she had finished her prayer, the elderly man, tears streaming down his face, shook each of our hands, sincerely thanked us, and slowly wheeled himself out.
That smack in the face I mentioned earlier now was a full-on kick in the pants. When I set out to do my friend a favor and help out a person in pain, I had no idea what the session would bring. I knew that I'd be able to help with some pain and stiffness, but I was surprised, not for the first time either, at how I was helped too.
I know it's easier said than done to get out of a funk. I am most always a positive and cheerful person, but sometimes you just have to lay low and heal. It's not always that you have a series of reminders like I had tonight. While sad and touching, these events serve to help you re-frame your stuff and move forward in a better way. I choose to use these experiences to help me relate to others I meet, in the world, in the spa, on-line. My lessons learned are rippled forward, in the hopes that I can remember just how much I have to be grateful for and how much sunshine and love I have to give.
Sometimes though, just when it feels like you are the only one on this good Earth that has a problem or even just the blues, you get a reminder that you are soooo not. If you notice and grab onto that reminder, you can ride a rejuvenating ripple back up to the sunny side of the street.
I had been feeling just a little blah, which for me, feels like a lot blah. Not my norm. I can't drag that around though. At the very least, the world doesn't need another speck of negativity. Not to mention my clients, and especially my husband! I was working on it and to some degree feeling a little better. Took a nap, rested my body, mind and soul. Then tonight I had a massage outcall.
An outcall is very rare for me. Throughout my work days I give my all to my co-workers and clients. I like to spend my off time at home, ideally with Rick. But a friend asked me if I'd work with her friend at a re-hab hospital. He'd had a poor result from surgery and needed massage. Would I call him? Of course, I did, and met with him tonight. The re-hab hospital turned out to be a nursing home. Here's this vital non-senior citizen in with a mainly elderly population. He is in a great deal of discomfort and has a high level of frustration. He needs a walker to move around. However, he and his wife greet me with enthusiasm and gratitude. Leading me to, what else but...
What the heck do I have to complain about?
I mean, for real...I have the use of my two good legs. I work in a spa; if I need massage, I just say so, any time. I have all the things I could ever want, and most importantly, the love of my life by my side. When I entered this man's room, it was like that smack in the face we all sometimes need to remind us of exactly how lucky we are.
But that's not all.
While I am working with my client and his wife, there comes a knock at the door. A staff member pushes a wheelchair into the room, in which an elderly man is sitting. Although he was very old, he was sharply dressed. Although he spoke quietly and with some effort, he was still 'with it'. The man I came to work with introduced the elderly man and asked him to share his story. Turns out that the elderly man has been diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer.
WOW.
Not only that, his wife, experiencing dementia symptoms for a few years, had recently been told that she could no longer be on her own, and was going to be placed in a facility for her growing needs. When my client asked the elderly gentleman how long he and his bride had been married, he told us 59 years. His eyes lit up and he told us how they had met, courted and married. Before he left to return to his own room, my client asked his wife, a preacher, to pray for the man. We all joined hands as she spoke. When she had finished her prayer, the elderly man, tears streaming down his face, shook each of our hands, sincerely thanked us, and slowly wheeled himself out.
That smack in the face I mentioned earlier now was a full-on kick in the pants. When I set out to do my friend a favor and help out a person in pain, I had no idea what the session would bring. I knew that I'd be able to help with some pain and stiffness, but I was surprised, not for the first time either, at how I was helped too.
I know it's easier said than done to get out of a funk. I am most always a positive and cheerful person, but sometimes you just have to lay low and heal. It's not always that you have a series of reminders like I had tonight. While sad and touching, these events serve to help you re-frame your stuff and move forward in a better way. I choose to use these experiences to help me relate to others I meet, in the world, in the spa, on-line. My lessons learned are rippled forward, in the hopes that I can remember just how much I have to be grateful for and how much sunshine and love I have to give.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Minimal Footwear, Maximum Ripple
Here they are, those odd five-toed shoes that seem to be everywhere these days. This particular pair belongs to my rebel husband Rick, that Vibram-wearing biomechanical bank of knowledge. I wear them only when I do massage, but Rick wears them all the time. However, he didn't begin to wear them because 'everybody is doing it'. To be fair, Rick doesn't do anything for that reason! So, let's trace the Vibram Five Fingers ripple.
Well before we left CT in 2009, Rick had seen an article for these shoes. He looked them up on-line and liked what he saw, style-wise but especially foot-function-wise. There were very few places carrying Vibrams at that time, and there was only one style. In a continuing education class at CCMT, Rick had a student named Bob, who eventually became a colleague and friend. On a trip to Boston, Bob found and purchased a pair of Vibrams. When Bob showed them to Rick, Rick was even more sure that these shoes were perfect for him, and for proper foot function in almost anyone.
In our very early days in Texas, when EVERYTHING was up in the air, Rick was Googling and looked up Texas locations for Vibrams. Luke's Locker, a specialty running store, came up.
As we became settled and Rick was hired to teach at Parker University School of Massage Therapy, he needed something else to do while on semester breaks. He had been thinking about Luke's Locker, not only for getting a pair of Five Fingers, but maybe as a place to work. He applied on-line for a part-time retail shoe position. In a few days, Rick received a call from Patton Gleason, the store manager. Patton left a message, wanting to schedule an interview.
I remember Rick telling me about his first impression of Patton. He described Patton as genuine and down-to-earth. Their talk covered many subjects, one of them a book called Born to Run by Christopher McDougall. Patton suggested Rick read it. Rick and I both have read it, and it truly is a life-changing book, whether you run or not.
After a few more meetings, Rick began working at Luke's. His gifts with people were in evidence each day that he worked there. He helped his customers with everything from shoe fitting and gait analysis to actual massage work to improve their running success. He became known as the Vibram specialist, and would look to recommend a minimal-support shoe to his customers, knowing what he does about how the human foot is made. His special relationship with Patton grew. As Rick had said to me after his first meeting with Patton, they met for a reason. Patton would, in all seriousness and with complete respect, greet Rick with Namaste', his palms together over his heart and bowing low. I think it's no stretch to say that Rick and Patton have each been an important piece of the other's growth and success.
Late last year, Patton left Luke's Locker. Before he left, he told Rick that he felt like they'd known each other in another life, and that they were kindred spirits. Rick felt the same way and was moved by Patton's words. I predicted that they were not yet done working with one another. Quite recently, Rick left Luke's as well.
Rick is now teaching and working with clients. His blog at engagingmuscles.com is full of art and knowledge, spreading the truth about human function. As his editor and biggest fan, I admit a spousal bias, but I learn something every time I read his posts. As for Patton, he has opened an on-line running shoe store that has literally taken off running! You can check out his minimal shoes, educational information, and plain old entertainment at naturalrunningstore.com. Pretty good music too.
So from a goofy-looking shoe, we ripple forward through years and miles and experiences to a friendship based on thinking outside the box, exploring the entrepreneur within, customer service, honesty, integrity and passion. That's a remarkably rewarding ripple.
Grab your Five Fingers (or go barefoot!) and go feel the Earth beneath your feet. While you do, reflect on those you love, and the ripples that brought them into your life. Your ten little piggies, and your grateful heart, will love you for it.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
An Adventure of Their Own, Part II
...continued...
The situation at our friend's house grew more and more difficult. Their daughter Stacy and her boys virtually ran for their lives. Restraining orders were put into place, divorce proceedings began, counseling sessions all around. Very slowly, healing began. Whenever Rick and I would contact Jane and Steve to update them on our news, we'd hold our breath as we heard the latest developments with their family. We were scared for them. And there was nothing we could do but be supportive from afar. The one thing we heard over and over from Jane was that Rick and I had helped her and Steve as much as they'd helped us. We'd been the recipients of a ripple, starting with their generosity, that we bounced right back to them, when they most needed it and least expected it.
Seems like our presence in their home for a few weeks that winter had put them on the right track. They told us that the friendship we shared with them encouraged them. Jane said that we somehow gave them some calm and some peace when we were their guests. I don't know that we did that on purpose, but the relationship that Rick and I share often rubs off on people that way. I do know that we had many long conversations over dinner and wine (or Steve's beer). We all shared parts of our histories, our hopes, plans and dreams. To use that trite phrase, we bonded. And somehow, that invincible feeling of hope that Rick and I were feeling rubbed off onto Jane and Steve. So when the going got tough, and then progressively tougher, they stayed strong, for themselves and for their family.
As things continued to see-saw up and down with Stacy and her boys, a healing rhythm was building in Jane and Steve's home. Stacy reclaimed herself. The boys struggled with confusion regarding their father but had deep love and support from their Mom and their grandparents. Rick and I got updates that became gradually more positive and encouraging, along with photos of the boys, now growing into young men. As one by one the hurdles in the way of the family's happiness were knocked down, a plan for a vacation was formulated. There would be a trip to Arizona, to visit Jane and Steve's son and daughter-in-law. There would also be a visit to the Grand Canyon.
By all accounts, the trip was a great success. The boys loved it, the family was all together for the first time in a very long while. Coincidentally, on the return flight to Connecticut, there would be a layover at the Dallas/Fort Worth Airport. Rick and I drove to meet them for a little while between their flights.
It was so great to see them all together! They were tired but happy. We could see and feel the happiness and peace on all their faces. And the thing that made it so incredible...they had decided that by the same time the following year, the whole bunch of them would move to Arizona, for good. It was time for their adventure; time for our friends to realize their dreams like Rick and I had. It was their time to head west.
Over this last year, more roadblocks popped up in the way of their dreams, but each and every time, they met the challenges head-on and kept focused on the future. Finally, in mid-June, when the boys had finished the school year, they were off! Their POD was picked up, their cars too, and the 5 of them flew out of Connecticut, toward their new home, their new life. Just like Rick and I had, they had chosen a 'do-over'. The ripple that began when Jane and Steve welcomed us into their home, into their lives, had echoed back over them. The sense of infinite possibility that Rick and I felt, still feel, now bathed our good friends. Their adventure has begun.
The situation at our friend's house grew more and more difficult. Their daughter Stacy and her boys virtually ran for their lives. Restraining orders were put into place, divorce proceedings began, counseling sessions all around. Very slowly, healing began. Whenever Rick and I would contact Jane and Steve to update them on our news, we'd hold our breath as we heard the latest developments with their family. We were scared for them. And there was nothing we could do but be supportive from afar. The one thing we heard over and over from Jane was that Rick and I had helped her and Steve as much as they'd helped us. We'd been the recipients of a ripple, starting with their generosity, that we bounced right back to them, when they most needed it and least expected it.
Seems like our presence in their home for a few weeks that winter had put them on the right track. They told us that the friendship we shared with them encouraged them. Jane said that we somehow gave them some calm and some peace when we were their guests. I don't know that we did that on purpose, but the relationship that Rick and I share often rubs off on people that way. I do know that we had many long conversations over dinner and wine (or Steve's beer). We all shared parts of our histories, our hopes, plans and dreams. To use that trite phrase, we bonded. And somehow, that invincible feeling of hope that Rick and I were feeling rubbed off onto Jane and Steve. So when the going got tough, and then progressively tougher, they stayed strong, for themselves and for their family.
As things continued to see-saw up and down with Stacy and her boys, a healing rhythm was building in Jane and Steve's home. Stacy reclaimed herself. The boys struggled with confusion regarding their father but had deep love and support from their Mom and their grandparents. Rick and I got updates that became gradually more positive and encouraging, along with photos of the boys, now growing into young men. As one by one the hurdles in the way of the family's happiness were knocked down, a plan for a vacation was formulated. There would be a trip to Arizona, to visit Jane and Steve's son and daughter-in-law. There would also be a visit to the Grand Canyon.
By all accounts, the trip was a great success. The boys loved it, the family was all together for the first time in a very long while. Coincidentally, on the return flight to Connecticut, there would be a layover at the Dallas/Fort Worth Airport. Rick and I drove to meet them for a little while between their flights.
It was so great to see them all together! They were tired but happy. We could see and feel the happiness and peace on all their faces. And the thing that made it so incredible...they had decided that by the same time the following year, the whole bunch of them would move to Arizona, for good. It was time for their adventure; time for our friends to realize their dreams like Rick and I had. It was their time to head west.
Over this last year, more roadblocks popped up in the way of their dreams, but each and every time, they met the challenges head-on and kept focused on the future. Finally, in mid-June, when the boys had finished the school year, they were off! Their POD was picked up, their cars too, and the 5 of them flew out of Connecticut, toward their new home, their new life. Just like Rick and I had, they had chosen a 'do-over'. The ripple that began when Jane and Steve welcomed us into their home, into their lives, had echoed back over them. The sense of infinite possibility that Rick and I felt, still feel, now bathed our good friends. Their adventure has begun.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
19? Already?
Nineteen years ago this morning, I had my second child. When her Dad and I woke early that morning to get to my planned c-section, we had no idea what the sex of our child would be. However, we met in the kitchen at 4:30 a.m. both wearing pink shirts. Should've known right then!
Natalie arrived doing what she does to this day; she amazed and amused us from minute one. We were expecting this giant baby, since her brother was so big and since I was so big. But no; itty-bitty, petite red-headed Natalie Kate arrived. Her tiny bottom fit in her Dad's palm and there she sat for a bit while I underwent the necessary repairs. I had been a little worried that I wouldn't be as capable with a daughter as with a son; something which has to a good degree proven to be true; but I was immediately and thoroughly proud and pleased to have a daughter.
I fully admit that I was Cocky Mom. I thought, "I've got this, I've got a ton of experience." Not so much. The Ripple of Natalie, perhaps the Ripple of All Ripples, had begun.
It's well-known that having children changes your life. You have this amazing responsibility that you willingly take on when you decide to become a parent. You think of all the things you will and should do for the good of this new life, from car seats and diapers to preschool and Brownies to make-up and dating to driving and voting. You're creating and molding a future citizen of The United States, for Pete's sake! And somewhere, lost in the busy-ness of raising your child, it's easy to forget that THEY will change YOU.
As pre-parents, we all say, "I would never do that!" or "I will never make my child do what my Mom made me do!" And we usually have some measure of success. But ultimately, we are on our own. Baby 'experts' can tell us what may happen in 8 out of 10 kids, but truly, we are making our own rules and doing what we can to get by.
As new parents, we start off slow, just trying to keep our heads above water til the feeding/diapering/sleeping stuff is all ironed out. Then we encourage our children to grow up quick, and just like us. Here's where we all learn a big ol' lesson in "Not So Fast, Cocky Parent".
Natalie Kate, the Ripple, changed me in big ways. What I thought was important was so not. I considered it important that her clothes matched. She considered choosing her wardrobe and getting dressed on her own much more important. She pushed me to the point of yelling so many times that I ripped something in my vocal cords! You know how I'm not a 'yeller'? You can thank the Ripple of Natalie Kate. Natalie gave me new eyes in which to see the world. Perhaps better said is that she opened my eyes to see things in new ways. Not everything needed to go my way, the 'parent's' way. I learned how to try things that other people liked or suggested. I learned that I wasn't supposed to be nurturing a mini-Pam, but a fully individual Natalie Kate.
Natalie's gift to me, the ripple she began by showing up on planet Earth, was to see that it's ok to relinquish control sometimes. In parenting like my amazing Mom did, I thought I had all the answers. But those were my Mom's answers, the ones that grew 7 children into fine adults. I had to find my own answers, and I'm still learning them from Natalie Kate. In some ways you could say that she began the Ripple. I like myself pretty well, and she has been testing me and teaching me and improving me for 19 years now. I love her dearly and hope to never stop learning.
I wish for my daughter the same things that I wrote in her baby book 19 years ago...peace, love, health, happiness, acceptance, success. I have nothing but pride, gratitude and love for my amazing, amusing, beautiful and brilliant Ginger Girl.
Happy Birthday, Ripple Starter! I can't wait to see what other ripples you send into the world. I love you!
Love, Mom
Natalie arrived doing what she does to this day; she amazed and amused us from minute one. We were expecting this giant baby, since her brother was so big and since I was so big. But no; itty-bitty, petite red-headed Natalie Kate arrived. Her tiny bottom fit in her Dad's palm and there she sat for a bit while I underwent the necessary repairs. I had been a little worried that I wouldn't be as capable with a daughter as with a son; something which has to a good degree proven to be true; but I was immediately and thoroughly proud and pleased to have a daughter.
I fully admit that I was Cocky Mom. I thought, "I've got this, I've got a ton of experience." Not so much. The Ripple of Natalie, perhaps the Ripple of All Ripples, had begun.
It's well-known that having children changes your life. You have this amazing responsibility that you willingly take on when you decide to become a parent. You think of all the things you will and should do for the good of this new life, from car seats and diapers to preschool and Brownies to make-up and dating to driving and voting. You're creating and molding a future citizen of The United States, for Pete's sake! And somewhere, lost in the busy-ness of raising your child, it's easy to forget that THEY will change YOU.
As pre-parents, we all say, "I would never do that!" or "I will never make my child do what my Mom made me do!" And we usually have some measure of success. But ultimately, we are on our own. Baby 'experts' can tell us what may happen in 8 out of 10 kids, but truly, we are making our own rules and doing what we can to get by.
As new parents, we start off slow, just trying to keep our heads above water til the feeding/diapering/sleeping stuff is all ironed out. Then we encourage our children to grow up quick, and just like us. Here's where we all learn a big ol' lesson in "Not So Fast, Cocky Parent".
Natalie Kate, the Ripple, changed me in big ways. What I thought was important was so not. I considered it important that her clothes matched. She considered choosing her wardrobe and getting dressed on her own much more important. She pushed me to the point of yelling so many times that I ripped something in my vocal cords! You know how I'm not a 'yeller'? You can thank the Ripple of Natalie Kate. Natalie gave me new eyes in which to see the world. Perhaps better said is that she opened my eyes to see things in new ways. Not everything needed to go my way, the 'parent's' way. I learned how to try things that other people liked or suggested. I learned that I wasn't supposed to be nurturing a mini-Pam, but a fully individual Natalie Kate.
Natalie's gift to me, the ripple she began by showing up on planet Earth, was to see that it's ok to relinquish control sometimes. In parenting like my amazing Mom did, I thought I had all the answers. But those were my Mom's answers, the ones that grew 7 children into fine adults. I had to find my own answers, and I'm still learning them from Natalie Kate. In some ways you could say that she began the Ripple. I like myself pretty well, and she has been testing me and teaching me and improving me for 19 years now. I love her dearly and hope to never stop learning.
I wish for my daughter the same things that I wrote in her baby book 19 years ago...peace, love, health, happiness, acceptance, success. I have nothing but pride, gratitude and love for my amazing, amusing, beautiful and brilliant Ginger Girl.
Happy Birthday, Ripple Starter! I can't wait to see what other ripples you send into the world. I love you!
Love, Mom
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
An Adventure of Their Own, Part I
In my upcoming, as-yet-untitled memoir of our journey west, I share many stories of people who helped us along the way. Rick and I have been blessed to know some friends who fully believed in us, who backed us up, and who wanted to have a part in our success. Many people we knew scratched their heads when they heard of our planned move to Texas, but this other group of people were truly in our corner and were even willing to personally sacrifice in order to give us a solid send-off. Without the positive ripples put into motion by these cheerleaders, our journey would've been virtually impossible. In this post, I'll be introducing you to Jane and Steve.
Jane was a student in Rick's Kinesiology class. As quite often happens when Rick gets Kines students in front of him, a whole new thought-process was born in Jane. She wanted to learn more, to know more. When Jane had graduated from massage school, she and Rick began to meet for coffee and discuss massage, kinesiology and personal training. When Rick taught weekend workshops, Jane attended as many as she could, eventually becoming Rick's assistant. Their mutual respect and friendship grew.
Jane's husband Steve is a bright even-tempered man. Peaceful and somewhat reserved, he would quietly listen to a conversation and then drop a brilliant bombshell observation into it. He was enjoying his retirement; exploring the internet, new music and brewing homemade beer. The kind of guy you just want to hug.
Not many people knew of our plans to move to Texas, but Jane was one of them. She had made it clear on many occasions that we would be welcome to stay with her and Steve during our transition process. We had 2 long house/dog-sitting gigs booked, but would need small stretches of hospitality during those few months. Jane and Steve were one of those hospitable couples.
When the time came for us to move in at their house, we were welcomed with open arms. I'd spoken with Jane briefly on several occasions, but had only met Steve once. They immediately made Rick and me feel right at home. They showed us to the guest room where we unloaded all our stuff. Jane had even cleared fridge and cabinet space for our food. It was like a big kid sleep over! What a warm and cozy place to have landed. We were very comfortable and grateful. As it turns out, Jane and Steve would come to be grateful to us as well.
The four of us settled into a routine...deciding who would provide/prepare dinner, sharing household chores, giving each other massage, and enjoying each other's company. The transition period Rick and I were in was emotional for sure, but as we shared each development with Jane and Steve, their excitement grew along with ours. They began to share with us their dreams for the future as well. Steve was positive that he wanted to spend his retirement in Arizona. I guess we weren't the only ones with Western visions.
Jane and Steve hosted us through 2 stays at their home. But as things were coming down to the wire with us, there were some changes in store for them as well. Their grown daughter was in a bad marriage. She and her twin sons would be moving in with Jane and Steve. Their very safety was at stake. For two people in or around their 60's, this was tough, but they'd of course have it no other way. As we headed off to our future in Texas, Jane and Steve's future plans suddenly looked much different.
Stay Tuned for An Adventure of Their Own, Part II, coming soon!
Jane was a student in Rick's Kinesiology class. As quite often happens when Rick gets Kines students in front of him, a whole new thought-process was born in Jane. She wanted to learn more, to know more. When Jane had graduated from massage school, she and Rick began to meet for coffee and discuss massage, kinesiology and personal training. When Rick taught weekend workshops, Jane attended as many as she could, eventually becoming Rick's assistant. Their mutual respect and friendship grew.
Jane's husband Steve is a bright even-tempered man. Peaceful and somewhat reserved, he would quietly listen to a conversation and then drop a brilliant bombshell observation into it. He was enjoying his retirement; exploring the internet, new music and brewing homemade beer. The kind of guy you just want to hug.
Not many people knew of our plans to move to Texas, but Jane was one of them. She had made it clear on many occasions that we would be welcome to stay with her and Steve during our transition process. We had 2 long house/dog-sitting gigs booked, but would need small stretches of hospitality during those few months. Jane and Steve were one of those hospitable couples.
When the time came for us to move in at their house, we were welcomed with open arms. I'd spoken with Jane briefly on several occasions, but had only met Steve once. They immediately made Rick and me feel right at home. They showed us to the guest room where we unloaded all our stuff. Jane had even cleared fridge and cabinet space for our food. It was like a big kid sleep over! What a warm and cozy place to have landed. We were very comfortable and grateful. As it turns out, Jane and Steve would come to be grateful to us as well.
The four of us settled into a routine...deciding who would provide/prepare dinner, sharing household chores, giving each other massage, and enjoying each other's company. The transition period Rick and I were in was emotional for sure, but as we shared each development with Jane and Steve, their excitement grew along with ours. They began to share with us their dreams for the future as well. Steve was positive that he wanted to spend his retirement in Arizona. I guess we weren't the only ones with Western visions.
Jane and Steve hosted us through 2 stays at their home. But as things were coming down to the wire with us, there were some changes in store for them as well. Their grown daughter was in a bad marriage. She and her twin sons would be moving in with Jane and Steve. Their very safety was at stake. For two people in or around their 60's, this was tough, but they'd of course have it no other way. As we headed off to our future in Texas, Jane and Steve's future plans suddenly looked much different.
Stay Tuned for An Adventure of Their Own, Part II, coming soon!
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Paying it Forward
I wasn't intending to post again so soon, but a beautiful thing happened when I went to the grocery store today that surely represents how the ripple goes.
I have been in the house for several days with a pretty serious toothache. Kinda heavily medicated, thus no driving. It's been manageable though, since my brain seems to be in creative overload mode! Let's just say I've accomplished a lot; results of which y'all will get to see in the coming months.
At any rate, Rick needed a few things and asked if I'd like to go along for the ride. Bella and I said "Yes please!" and we headed off. We needed to stop at Kroger of all places. Not the happiest destination on a pain-free day! Rick stayed in the car with Bella and I went in to return something.
While I was waiting at the customer service desk to make my exchange, I overheard the manager talking with a customer. She was telling him that she would try and run through his purchase manually since the computer wasn't doing it properly. She went around the back of the courtesy desk.
The man was younger than me, very tall, with beautiful sleeves of tattoo work on each arm. He looked exhausted. He was pushing one of those shopping carts that look like a race car. Inside were two obviously unhappy little boys. Grumpy, sad or sick I do not know but certainly not any more thrilled to be in Kroger than I was. As he waited and the manager worked on his purchase, it became clear that it was his food stamp card that would not go through. Apparently the system the card is tied to was down. The man had only two small bags of groceries. The manager said, "I am so sorry but it won't go through. Do you want me to hold them and you can come back?" He said he'd come back and headed out the door. I felt so badly for him.
Just then, a woman in line behind me spoke up. She said to the manager, "Here, let me take care of that for him." Oh, my heart!
The man overheard and said that he appreciated it but no thank you and that he'd come back later on. He went out the door. The woman insisted to the manager that she wanted to do it. "We've all been there, haven't we?" she said. The manager ran out the door with the bags and came back shortly. The manager said to the woman, "That was very nice of you." I turned to the woman and said the same. When the manager went around behind the desk, the woman asked her how much it was. The manager answered, "$4.05."
Four dollars and five cents was all it took for that woman to spread a vibrant lacy network of ripples all around her. She helped that man's day get a lot easier. Helped those sad little boys get home sooner. Made every person who overheard the chain of events feel a lot better about the world. Showed me the reason I ended up at Kroger today.
She paid it forward.
We have all been there, right? I know that I have been on the receiving end of such generosity. I remember a similar experience when I was little and at the store with my Mom and all my brothers and sisters. I have never been a wealthy chick, but if I have a few dollars and someone needs them, I think back to the times I've received help like that, little or big, and I give what I can. Paying it forward is one of the easiest ways to send forth ripples of care and love into the world of another.
I have been in the house for several days with a pretty serious toothache. Kinda heavily medicated, thus no driving. It's been manageable though, since my brain seems to be in creative overload mode! Let's just say I've accomplished a lot; results of which y'all will get to see in the coming months.
At any rate, Rick needed a few things and asked if I'd like to go along for the ride. Bella and I said "Yes please!" and we headed off. We needed to stop at Kroger of all places. Not the happiest destination on a pain-free day! Rick stayed in the car with Bella and I went in to return something.
While I was waiting at the customer service desk to make my exchange, I overheard the manager talking with a customer. She was telling him that she would try and run through his purchase manually since the computer wasn't doing it properly. She went around the back of the courtesy desk.
The man was younger than me, very tall, with beautiful sleeves of tattoo work on each arm. He looked exhausted. He was pushing one of those shopping carts that look like a race car. Inside were two obviously unhappy little boys. Grumpy, sad or sick I do not know but certainly not any more thrilled to be in Kroger than I was. As he waited and the manager worked on his purchase, it became clear that it was his food stamp card that would not go through. Apparently the system the card is tied to was down. The man had only two small bags of groceries. The manager said, "I am so sorry but it won't go through. Do you want me to hold them and you can come back?" He said he'd come back and headed out the door. I felt so badly for him.
Just then, a woman in line behind me spoke up. She said to the manager, "Here, let me take care of that for him." Oh, my heart!
The man overheard and said that he appreciated it but no thank you and that he'd come back later on. He went out the door. The woman insisted to the manager that she wanted to do it. "We've all been there, haven't we?" she said. The manager ran out the door with the bags and came back shortly. The manager said to the woman, "That was very nice of you." I turned to the woman and said the same. When the manager went around behind the desk, the woman asked her how much it was. The manager answered, "$4.05."
Four dollars and five cents was all it took for that woman to spread a vibrant lacy network of ripples all around her. She helped that man's day get a lot easier. Helped those sad little boys get home sooner. Made every person who overheard the chain of events feel a lot better about the world. Showed me the reason I ended up at Kroger today.
She paid it forward.
We have all been there, right? I know that I have been on the receiving end of such generosity. I remember a similar experience when I was little and at the store with my Mom and all my brothers and sisters. I have never been a wealthy chick, but if I have a few dollars and someone needs them, I think back to the times I've received help like that, little or big, and I give what I can. Paying it forward is one of the easiest ways to send forth ripples of care and love into the world of another.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Freedom
Independence Day has just passed us by. America is 235 years old, which is a little bit scary since I remember vividly the matching patriotic bikinis my 4 sisters and I wore in 1976, when the country was just 200! I don't know about you, but as I grow up, I think of it more in it's intended terms, rather than hot dogs, fireworks and mattress sales.
The word freedom is important on a daily, small-scale basis. I am free to decide today whether I want to sew or write or vacuum. I can take a walk or take a ride or take a nap. No one is telling me that I can't. I remember when my son Tim got his driver's license. I asked him what it felt like. His one word reply? "Freedom".
Since Rick and I moved to Texas, the concept of freedom, as an American citizen, has resonated with me in much more powerful ways. I imagine it's that 'pack up your wagon and head west, young lady' idea. I know that I've felt the power of my ability to choose, not only where I'd like to live, but what I'd like to do and what I'd like to talk about. It is extremely easy to take these rights for granted, isn't it? For some reason though, I have been more mindful and grateful for these privileges since we came to Texas.
Maybe because I have a friend from India. She has been here for 10 years on a work visa working as an architect. She retains and has taught me much of her birth culture. She is a gifted and brilliant woman of many talents...she's an artist, a writer, a photographer, a Reiki healer, a lover of yoga, massage and all things spiritual and holistic. She is worldly and well-spoken. She speaks often of what will happen in the coming months, when her work visa, which restricts her to earning money only from her profession (architecture) and not her art, expires. She will need to leave a country that she has grown in, grown to love. She will need to leave behind her sister, now an American citizen, not to mention many friends, peers and colleagues. She has experienced many of the freedoms America stands for, but has also learned of the limitations placed upon her because she is from another country. I know that I will miss her! I also know that when I think of my freedom, I somehow keep coming back to her. Continued blessings, my friend, wherever the wind takes you.
Freedom also makes me think of bravery. Sometimes you're born into a situation, or you blindly follow the leaders before you, and for some people, that's enough. In America, when it's not enough, and if you're brave enough, you have the freedom to choose. You can stand up and say, "This is not right for me and it's time to choose something better, something healthier, something smarter." When you look at the ripples that afforded you this thought process, you can trace them back to the men and women who founded and fought for this country. There were those who just thought, "Of course the King of England is in charge of us and we'll never waver in our loyalty!" But then, a growing number of people decided they were not willing to be sheep, not at all willing to be 'herded' or reigned over. They had the bravery to fight for their, and consequently our, freedom. Simply looking at the way wars were fought then, lines of men with muskets and bayonets walking directly toward one another, toward almost certain suicide, shows the guts it took to form America.
I consider myself lucky to have been born an American. Our country may not be perfect; let's face it, what really is? But I know that the actions of our forefathers, the ripples they began, resulted in the freedoms, both small and large, we so value and cherish today.
The word freedom is important on a daily, small-scale basis. I am free to decide today whether I want to sew or write or vacuum. I can take a walk or take a ride or take a nap. No one is telling me that I can't. I remember when my son Tim got his driver's license. I asked him what it felt like. His one word reply? "Freedom".
Since Rick and I moved to Texas, the concept of freedom, as an American citizen, has resonated with me in much more powerful ways. I imagine it's that 'pack up your wagon and head west, young lady' idea. I know that I've felt the power of my ability to choose, not only where I'd like to live, but what I'd like to do and what I'd like to talk about. It is extremely easy to take these rights for granted, isn't it? For some reason though, I have been more mindful and grateful for these privileges since we came to Texas.
Maybe because I have a friend from India. She has been here for 10 years on a work visa working as an architect. She retains and has taught me much of her birth culture. She is a gifted and brilliant woman of many talents...she's an artist, a writer, a photographer, a Reiki healer, a lover of yoga, massage and all things spiritual and holistic. She is worldly and well-spoken. She speaks often of what will happen in the coming months, when her work visa, which restricts her to earning money only from her profession (architecture) and not her art, expires. She will need to leave a country that she has grown in, grown to love. She will need to leave behind her sister, now an American citizen, not to mention many friends, peers and colleagues. She has experienced many of the freedoms America stands for, but has also learned of the limitations placed upon her because she is from another country. I know that I will miss her! I also know that when I think of my freedom, I somehow keep coming back to her. Continued blessings, my friend, wherever the wind takes you.
Freedom also makes me think of bravery. Sometimes you're born into a situation, or you blindly follow the leaders before you, and for some people, that's enough. In America, when it's not enough, and if you're brave enough, you have the freedom to choose. You can stand up and say, "This is not right for me and it's time to choose something better, something healthier, something smarter." When you look at the ripples that afforded you this thought process, you can trace them back to the men and women who founded and fought for this country. There were those who just thought, "Of course the King of England is in charge of us and we'll never waver in our loyalty!" But then, a growing number of people decided they were not willing to be sheep, not at all willing to be 'herded' or reigned over. They had the bravery to fight for their, and consequently our, freedom. Simply looking at the way wars were fought then, lines of men with muskets and bayonets walking directly toward one another, toward almost certain suicide, shows the guts it took to form America.
I consider myself lucky to have been born an American. Our country may not be perfect; let's face it, what really is? But I know that the actions of our forefathers, the ripples they began, resulted in the freedoms, both small and large, we so value and cherish today.
Friday, July 1, 2011
The Elephant and the Protester
Once upon a time, there was an elephant named Joe. He belonged to the traveling circus. He loved the life of a performer. He danced and tossed a big ball back and forth. He even stood up on a large drum, on only one foot! He loved to show off for the people of all ages that came to see the circus.
Joe had grown up in a hot, faraway land. He didn't remember much of his life there except for his mother, who was the kindest and gentlest elephant. She took great care of him and loved him, until the day when the big men with guns came and knocked her down. She never got up again.
Some other, nicer men came and took him on a boat to America, where they brought him to join the circus. His trainer gave him food, changed his hay and taught him all kinds of new tricks as he grew up to be a big strong elephant. He had a gorgeous wardrobe. Everyone patted him on his giant head and gave him treats. He was proud of his job. He loved his circus life very much.
One day, when the circus came to a new city, Joe saw from the window of his trailer that there were people standing on the sidewalk, people who were carrying signs and yelling very loudly. They didn't look happy like most people visiting the circus, they looked angry! Later when he asked his trainer what the people were mad about, his trainer said the people were called 'protesters' and they were angry because they thought the animals should be free, not part of the circus. Joe was shocked.
He could not believe what he had heard! He loved the circus! He had everything he needed there! Not only did he have food, water and shelter, he was quite fulfilled in his work as a circus elephant! Why would people say that he and the other animals should be taken out of the circus? What would they do? Where would they live? Joe went to sleep that evening scared and worried.
The next day, Joe was in the lot outside the circus tent. He had practiced that morning, and now was enjoying his hay. Suddenly he heard yelling. He saw the protesters again! They were right near his training ring. He walked over to them and asked them why they were so angry.
The group of people was shocked that an elephant had spoken to them! One person finally recovered enough to tell Joe what they were angry about. She told him that it was unfair that he was locked and chained up in the circus...that he was no more than a prisoner, a slave. He wasn't treated well and he was forced to perform tricks for audiences all over the country. He had terrible food, not enough water and mean trainers. She told him that they were all there today, fighting for Joe's rights. Expecting Joe to gratefully bow on one knee with happiness, the protester was stunned when Joe spoke again.
Joe asked her where she had gotten all this information. She told him that it was common knowledge that circus animals were treated inhumanely. She showed him a pamphlet with a horrible photo of a sad, old elephant with sores on his toes and rips in his ears. She told him not to worry though, that they were here to fight for him.
Calmly and clearly, Joe told the protester that, in this case, she was wrong. There may be other elephants in other circuses that are suffering, but not here, not him. He told her what every animal in this circus knew, that he loved his job and his life here. He patiently explained how well he was treated, and what joy it gave him to see such happiness on the faces of circus visitors. He said that he was never chained, never whipped or mistreated, and he had apples and carrots any old time he wanted. As the protester's anger faded, as she listened to Joe and his side of the story, he added one more thing...the moral of this story.
"We don't see the world as it is, we see it as we are."
Joe went on. "Just because you can't imagine being in a certain place or circumstance, doesn't mean it's not a fantastic situation for someone else. I had a great childhood until my mother died. I was afraid but it turned out just as it should. I was brought to the circus and I have loved it from the very beginning. It's my home. It's my livelihood. It's my passion. I can't imagine being anywhere else. Not to mention, who's going to hire a middle-aged elephant with limited job skills? Your concern is admirable, but please stop being angry for me. I'm very happy here! Come see the performance tonight and see for yourself!"
The protester listened to him carefully. She smiled. She offered her hand for him to shake and he offered his long bristly trunk. They shook 'hands' in understanding. The protester spoke briefly to her group and they headed away from the circus tent. Joe, knowing he had taught, and learned, a valuable lesson today, went back to his afternoon snack in peace. The protesters never came back again and everyone lived happily ever after.
The Ripple? Ah, yes, The Ripple. All it takes for a ripple of misunderstanding to begin is one party trumpeting their message without checking out the facts first. In other words, the protester and her posse proceeded with poor particulars, purporting to protect the pachyderms. In fact, their ignorance of what was really true in Joe's world started a ripple of anger and confusion that filtered down to a ripple of fear for Joe and his friends. On the other hand, what a beautiful ripple was created when The Elephant helped The Protester see his world, his way, through her eyes! So much more lovely than the first.
Try to see what you see from the eyes of another. The ripples you start, and stop, will amaze you.
Joe had grown up in a hot, faraway land. He didn't remember much of his life there except for his mother, who was the kindest and gentlest elephant. She took great care of him and loved him, until the day when the big men with guns came and knocked her down. She never got up again.
Some other, nicer men came and took him on a boat to America, where they brought him to join the circus. His trainer gave him food, changed his hay and taught him all kinds of new tricks as he grew up to be a big strong elephant. He had a gorgeous wardrobe. Everyone patted him on his giant head and gave him treats. He was proud of his job. He loved his circus life very much.
One day, when the circus came to a new city, Joe saw from the window of his trailer that there were people standing on the sidewalk, people who were carrying signs and yelling very loudly. They didn't look happy like most people visiting the circus, they looked angry! Later when he asked his trainer what the people were mad about, his trainer said the people were called 'protesters' and they were angry because they thought the animals should be free, not part of the circus. Joe was shocked.
He could not believe what he had heard! He loved the circus! He had everything he needed there! Not only did he have food, water and shelter, he was quite fulfilled in his work as a circus elephant! Why would people say that he and the other animals should be taken out of the circus? What would they do? Where would they live? Joe went to sleep that evening scared and worried.
The next day, Joe was in the lot outside the circus tent. He had practiced that morning, and now was enjoying his hay. Suddenly he heard yelling. He saw the protesters again! They were right near his training ring. He walked over to them and asked them why they were so angry.
The group of people was shocked that an elephant had spoken to them! One person finally recovered enough to tell Joe what they were angry about. She told him that it was unfair that he was locked and chained up in the circus...that he was no more than a prisoner, a slave. He wasn't treated well and he was forced to perform tricks for audiences all over the country. He had terrible food, not enough water and mean trainers. She told him that they were all there today, fighting for Joe's rights. Expecting Joe to gratefully bow on one knee with happiness, the protester was stunned when Joe spoke again.
Joe asked her where she had gotten all this information. She told him that it was common knowledge that circus animals were treated inhumanely. She showed him a pamphlet with a horrible photo of a sad, old elephant with sores on his toes and rips in his ears. She told him not to worry though, that they were here to fight for him.
Calmly and clearly, Joe told the protester that, in this case, she was wrong. There may be other elephants in other circuses that are suffering, but not here, not him. He told her what every animal in this circus knew, that he loved his job and his life here. He patiently explained how well he was treated, and what joy it gave him to see such happiness on the faces of circus visitors. He said that he was never chained, never whipped or mistreated, and he had apples and carrots any old time he wanted. As the protester's anger faded, as she listened to Joe and his side of the story, he added one more thing...the moral of this story.
"We don't see the world as it is, we see it as we are."
Joe went on. "Just because you can't imagine being in a certain place or circumstance, doesn't mean it's not a fantastic situation for someone else. I had a great childhood until my mother died. I was afraid but it turned out just as it should. I was brought to the circus and I have loved it from the very beginning. It's my home. It's my livelihood. It's my passion. I can't imagine being anywhere else. Not to mention, who's going to hire a middle-aged elephant with limited job skills? Your concern is admirable, but please stop being angry for me. I'm very happy here! Come see the performance tonight and see for yourself!"
The protester listened to him carefully. She smiled. She offered her hand for him to shake and he offered his long bristly trunk. They shook 'hands' in understanding. The protester spoke briefly to her group and they headed away from the circus tent. Joe, knowing he had taught, and learned, a valuable lesson today, went back to his afternoon snack in peace. The protesters never came back again and everyone lived happily ever after.
The Ripple? Ah, yes, The Ripple. All it takes for a ripple of misunderstanding to begin is one party trumpeting their message without checking out the facts first. In other words, the protester and her posse proceeded with poor particulars, purporting to protect the pachyderms. In fact, their ignorance of what was really true in Joe's world started a ripple of anger and confusion that filtered down to a ripple of fear for Joe and his friends. On the other hand, what a beautiful ripple was created when The Elephant helped The Protester see his world, his way, through her eyes! So much more lovely than the first.
Try to see what you see from the eyes of another. The ripples you start, and stop, will amaze you.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Guest Blogger!
Dear Millie,
It has been over a week since I saw you for the last time. When my lady took me out to pee, I was so happy to see you! I'm sorry that I got so excited...you know I have that tendency to jump all over you, tangle up our leashes and squish you a little bit. But you are so tiny! I can't help it that I've been growing so much. And also my people are pretty calm. I mean there's the occasional apartment tennis game or when my people clap their hands and I run the combine through the living room, but other than that, it gets kinda boring and I get excited to see another of my own species. You know what I mean right?
How do you like living in San Antonio? Too bad you have the Spurs and we have the Mavericks. Do you still use the little crate I gave you or do you have a lot of room to run around in the country now? I don't think I have ever been to San Antonio but I know for a fact that I love to run around. I hope you meet some other cool dogs at your new home. Maybe a big strapping Mastiff! Or, maybe not.
Did you see that new leash I was wearing? My man got it for me. Honestly Millie, tell me what you think! When he brought it home, my lady laughed! Did you think it was silly? I am growing up after all. Should I have a leash that has a string of faux hot dogs on it? With all the "Weiner" jokes on the internet from that dumb politics man, I don't know if I should be making such a statement, you know? My man thinks it's funny, I know it. He told my lady it distracts me from chewing on my leash, which, as you know, is virtually impossible. I guess it's not too bad though. The Fake Franks give me something to nibble on while my man gets his shoes on. That can take awhile! He won't let me chew those for sure. He talks about 'vibrams' and 'barefeet' all the time, whatever that means. But with the landmines other people's dogs leave behind at our apartment, he needs some kind of shoes, right? Not that you or I ever left any messes around! LOL!
My lady came home the other day with shopping bags. She NEVER goes shopping! My man brings me things most of the time. So I didn't get my hopes up but suddenly there was a familiar squeak! She bought me a soft squeaker toy! It was (yes, was...I have already very effectively destroyed it!) a small brown animal that looked like a cross between a dog and a porcupine. VERY tasty and such a gratifying noise! White fluffy stuffing everywhere!! LOVED it! Not only that though, she finally bought me REAL bowls for my food and water. I mean, what? I've been here for like 8 months! Don't you think it was about time for that? Using the green people bowls they use for their weird food was a little humiliating. Be thankful you never had to see that. But the new bowls are gorgeous! Light blue and brown, ceramic, big enough for my jowly snout! When my lady put them down on the floor I went right over to check them out. What a surprise I got when I saw that there was a biscuit at the bottom of the water bowl! Ooooh, it looked so good, but Millie, I tell you, I almost drowned trying to get to that bone! My man and lady laughed and laughed until I realized the joke was on me...the bone is part of the bowl! Embarrassing! I did get some satisfaction from the fact that I made an enormous puddle on the kitchen floor that my lady had to mop up. With MY yellow towel. Oh, well I guess it's the thought that counts.
Well, I'd better get going. I have a lot going on today...I see that I have some fuzz still left on one of my tennis balls, gotta get to that. Then I have an important date with the cool tile floor in the kitchen. It's been over over 100 degrees for days here; I can only imagine how hot it is in San Antonio! And after I spend awhile looking out the window at the parking lot, I think I'm going to get a Kong filled with almond butter and cookies. No, Millie, of course not the people kind, she only makes those for people! I have my own.
I miss you already! Try hard not to make a mess in the living room like that last time I saw you! Oh, boy was your lady mad!
Chow! Haha!
Love, Bella Merriam
PS Here is a recent picture of me destroying a squeaky chicken. With the dumb faces they put on these toys, who wouldn't want to chew them off?! BTW, those green bones my people get me are really keeping my teeth white aren't they?
PPS. One thing you can be grateful for...since you moved you don't have to deal with that Basset Hound in the next building...she is not very friendly! And with how looooong it takes her to go around a corner, you think she'd be a little more humble!
It has been over a week since I saw you for the last time. When my lady took me out to pee, I was so happy to see you! I'm sorry that I got so excited...you know I have that tendency to jump all over you, tangle up our leashes and squish you a little bit. But you are so tiny! I can't help it that I've been growing so much. And also my people are pretty calm. I mean there's the occasional apartment tennis game or when my people clap their hands and I run the combine through the living room, but other than that, it gets kinda boring and I get excited to see another of my own species. You know what I mean right?
How do you like living in San Antonio? Too bad you have the Spurs and we have the Mavericks. Do you still use the little crate I gave you or do you have a lot of room to run around in the country now? I don't think I have ever been to San Antonio but I know for a fact that I love to run around. I hope you meet some other cool dogs at your new home. Maybe a big strapping Mastiff! Or, maybe not.
Did you see that new leash I was wearing? My man got it for me. Honestly Millie, tell me what you think! When he brought it home, my lady laughed! Did you think it was silly? I am growing up after all. Should I have a leash that has a string of faux hot dogs on it? With all the "Weiner" jokes on the internet from that dumb politics man, I don't know if I should be making such a statement, you know? My man thinks it's funny, I know it. He told my lady it distracts me from chewing on my leash, which, as you know, is virtually impossible. I guess it's not too bad though. The Fake Franks give me something to nibble on while my man gets his shoes on. That can take awhile! He won't let me chew those for sure. He talks about 'vibrams' and 'barefeet' all the time, whatever that means. But with the landmines other people's dogs leave behind at our apartment, he needs some kind of shoes, right? Not that you or I ever left any messes around! LOL!
My lady came home the other day with shopping bags. She NEVER goes shopping! My man brings me things most of the time. So I didn't get my hopes up but suddenly there was a familiar squeak! She bought me a soft squeaker toy! It was (yes, was...I have already very effectively destroyed it!) a small brown animal that looked like a cross between a dog and a porcupine. VERY tasty and such a gratifying noise! White fluffy stuffing everywhere!! LOVED it! Not only that though, she finally bought me REAL bowls for my food and water. I mean, what? I've been here for like 8 months! Don't you think it was about time for that? Using the green people bowls they use for their weird food was a little humiliating. Be thankful you never had to see that. But the new bowls are gorgeous! Light blue and brown, ceramic, big enough for my jowly snout! When my lady put them down on the floor I went right over to check them out. What a surprise I got when I saw that there was a biscuit at the bottom of the water bowl! Ooooh, it looked so good, but Millie, I tell you, I almost drowned trying to get to that bone! My man and lady laughed and laughed until I realized the joke was on me...the bone is part of the bowl! Embarrassing! I did get some satisfaction from the fact that I made an enormous puddle on the kitchen floor that my lady had to mop up. With MY yellow towel. Oh, well I guess it's the thought that counts.
Well, I'd better get going. I have a lot going on today...I see that I have some fuzz still left on one of my tennis balls, gotta get to that. Then I have an important date with the cool tile floor in the kitchen. It's been over over 100 degrees for days here; I can only imagine how hot it is in San Antonio! And after I spend awhile looking out the window at the parking lot, I think I'm going to get a Kong filled with almond butter and cookies. No, Millie, of course not the people kind, she only makes those for people! I have my own.
I miss you already! Try hard not to make a mess in the living room like that last time I saw you! Oh, boy was your lady mad!
Chow! Haha!
Love, Bella Merriam
PS Here is a recent picture of me destroying a squeaky chicken. With the dumb faces they put on these toys, who wouldn't want to chew them off?! BTW, those green bones my people get me are really keeping my teeth white aren't they?
PPS. One thing you can be grateful for...since you moved you don't have to deal with that Basset Hound in the next building...she is not very friendly! And with how looooong it takes her to go around a corner, you think she'd be a little more humble!
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
A Father's Day Toast
Forty years ago this September, something tragic and immensely impactful happened, to me and my entire family. The ripple is still spreading, even all these years later.
Forty years ago, I was 6 years old. My parents had moved quickly when growing their family...by age 6 I already had 5 younger siblings. My parents had known each other their entire lives, but had been married just 7 years. My Mom stayed at home with us, which is what most moms did then. My Dad was a gifted mechanic who worked both as an employee and on his own.
After dinner on September 22nd, 1971, my Dad kissed my Mom and headed out the door to help fix a friend's VW Beetle.
He never came home.
Details remain murky to this day...no specific cause was ever determined...but the long and short of it is this; my Dad was at the wheel as he and a friend headed home after repairing the car. The Beetle failed to negotiate a curve and struck a huge tree. My Dad was killed instantly. A brief lifetime, 27 years, snuffed out just like that.
A ripple had begun.
I was of course young, we all were. I remember a few details of that night as they impacted me, but most of what my Mom felt I couldn't fully comprehend until I was much older. However, I can tell you this with clarity;
My Mom did not cave in.
She somehow found a way to keep going, to continue parenting, and to find herself. This necessary new version of Ann, now a widow at 27, with six small children, figured out how to soldier on.
Some time much later, my Mom's good friend Jeanne convinced her one night to go out for a drink or two. And it was here that the ripple continued. For it was that night, in a nightclub called The Dial Tone, that my Mom met the man we now call Dad.
He was oh, so young! Celebrating his 21st birthday! He and my Mom caught each other's eye somehow. Those details belong to my Mom and Dad alone. I just know that a ripple brought them together that night. And that night changed my life...all of our lives.
I remember meeting Eric (as I called him for several years). I came home from school one day and he was there. I had never seen a man with a ponytail! It hung halfway down his back. His beard was reddish and bushy. I remember showing him some of my toys. I remember liking him.
I don't know much about their courtship. I just know that I remember very little of my life that didn't have him in it. I know that he made my Mom so happy...she just lit up when he was around. I know that, thinking back, it's incredible that a 21-year-old guy would take on the responsibility of six small children when he decided he couldn't live without my Mom. I know that I love him very, very much.
Losing a parent at such a young age is a defining event. The key is, what is the definition? What path to take? What ripples to follow? I could have had a completely miserable childhood; welfare, bad influences, neglect. I could have become a victim. I didn't. What started with a horrendous circumstance has rippled forward with a positive outcome. I lost my biological Dad, but, sad as that was, I am in many ways a better person today for having my 'step' Dad in my life.
The ripple that began with my DNA is what makes me me. The ensuing ripples that began with meeting my Dad as a little girl contribute greatly too. I'm so grateful for the traits I share with my biological Dad...I'm handy with tools, I love to go fast in any vehicle, I have his brown eyes, big smile and sense of humor. I am doubly fortunate to have had a Dad to grow up with...one who is so mellow and peaceful, gives the best hugs ever, introduced me to the joys of antique cars and flea markets, and helped give me and all my siblings a profoundly blessed life.
I raise my glass today! To the Dad I lost long ago and to the Dad I've had the privilege of knowing and loving for all these years. Happy Father's Day to two exceptional fathers, from one very lucky and grateful daughter.
Cheers!
With so much love and gratitude,
Pamela Jean
Forty years ago, I was 6 years old. My parents had moved quickly when growing their family...by age 6 I already had 5 younger siblings. My parents had known each other their entire lives, but had been married just 7 years. My Mom stayed at home with us, which is what most moms did then. My Dad was a gifted mechanic who worked both as an employee and on his own.
After dinner on September 22nd, 1971, my Dad kissed my Mom and headed out the door to help fix a friend's VW Beetle.
He never came home.
Details remain murky to this day...no specific cause was ever determined...but the long and short of it is this; my Dad was at the wheel as he and a friend headed home after repairing the car. The Beetle failed to negotiate a curve and struck a huge tree. My Dad was killed instantly. A brief lifetime, 27 years, snuffed out just like that.
A ripple had begun.
I was of course young, we all were. I remember a few details of that night as they impacted me, but most of what my Mom felt I couldn't fully comprehend until I was much older. However, I can tell you this with clarity;
My Mom did not cave in.
She somehow found a way to keep going, to continue parenting, and to find herself. This necessary new version of Ann, now a widow at 27, with six small children, figured out how to soldier on.
Some time much later, my Mom's good friend Jeanne convinced her one night to go out for a drink or two. And it was here that the ripple continued. For it was that night, in a nightclub called The Dial Tone, that my Mom met the man we now call Dad.
He was oh, so young! Celebrating his 21st birthday! He and my Mom caught each other's eye somehow. Those details belong to my Mom and Dad alone. I just know that a ripple brought them together that night. And that night changed my life...all of our lives.
I remember meeting Eric (as I called him for several years). I came home from school one day and he was there. I had never seen a man with a ponytail! It hung halfway down his back. His beard was reddish and bushy. I remember showing him some of my toys. I remember liking him.
I don't know much about their courtship. I just know that I remember very little of my life that didn't have him in it. I know that he made my Mom so happy...she just lit up when he was around. I know that, thinking back, it's incredible that a 21-year-old guy would take on the responsibility of six small children when he decided he couldn't live without my Mom. I know that I love him very, very much.
Losing a parent at such a young age is a defining event. The key is, what is the definition? What path to take? What ripples to follow? I could have had a completely miserable childhood; welfare, bad influences, neglect. I could have become a victim. I didn't. What started with a horrendous circumstance has rippled forward with a positive outcome. I lost my biological Dad, but, sad as that was, I am in many ways a better person today for having my 'step' Dad in my life.
The ripple that began with my DNA is what makes me me. The ensuing ripples that began with meeting my Dad as a little girl contribute greatly too. I'm so grateful for the traits I share with my biological Dad...I'm handy with tools, I love to go fast in any vehicle, I have his brown eyes, big smile and sense of humor. I am doubly fortunate to have had a Dad to grow up with...one who is so mellow and peaceful, gives the best hugs ever, introduced me to the joys of antique cars and flea markets, and helped give me and all my siblings a profoundly blessed life.
I raise my glass today! To the Dad I lost long ago and to the Dad I've had the privilege of knowing and loving for all these years. Happy Father's Day to two exceptional fathers, from one very lucky and grateful daughter.
Cheers!
With so much love and gratitude,
Pamela Jean
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Decisions
Last summer, an enormous ripple was set into play when LeBron James made "The Decision" public. He made a big spectacle of his choice to move to another basketball team. The ripple was immediate and huge. The decision to switch teams, in itself, was a no-brainer in my opinion. He wants to win an NBA championship. The chances he'd do it with his previous team, the Cleveland Cavaliers, were slim. In order to achieve his personal sports goals, he had to make a decision. He decided to 'take his talents' to the Miami Heat. Here's where the ripples diverge.
On the one hand, you have a man who needs to decide what to do career-wise. Just like any other bread-winner, a lot of factors go into such a choice. What would be best for his family? What would be best for him personally? What would he leave behind? The choice he makes here would ripple throughout his family's lives for the duration of them. In this case, at least on paper, he chose well.
On the other hand, you have a superb athlete with aspirations of super-stardom. He sees that sports give him a relatively short window in which to achieve championship level play. LeBron wants to see his name listed among the greats of this game. He wants championship rings on several fingers. His skills fully support that thinking; his team's capabilities did not. This decision also rings true, on paper.
LeBron the man, for all I know, is loving life in Miami. Hopefully his family is too. I have no idea of the financial particulars of his new contract but I'm sure his family is being very well provided for. "The Decision", at least in this direction, has started a series of ripples that make sense for them all.
LeBron the basketball superstar, however, is still, one year later, recovering from the ripples he put into play with "The Decision". With his choice to broadcast his career move on live television, he turned many a sports fan away. His shameless self-promotion started a flood of ripples outward that quickly reversed and swamped him. His now former team felt betrayed. The way the Cavaliers played in the wake of LeBron's 'defection' certainly reflects that ripple. His home city and state also felt let down...everything from burning his jersey in the street to achieving new heights of creativity with anti-LeBron signs when the Heat visited Cleveland reflects that ripple. A man previously admired not only for his basketball skills but for his personality and on-screen presence was shocked to find himself hated. That last ripple had to be a hard one to swallow.
"The Decision" = Diverse and Widespread Ripples; not all of them positive.
We all make decisions, from the miniscule to the all-encompassing, every second we're awake. From what to have for breakfast all the way on up to deciding if our country needs to go to war, we are deciding. Choosing. Opting. And rippling. "If I have a donut for breakfast, the ripples will be..." "If I don't save enough money to retire, the ripples will be..." "If I engage our country in war, the ripples will be..."
The key here, of course, is in the awareness. To some degree, the ripple can be controlled, if you make a decision with awareness and thought. "A donut will make me sleepy and starving by 9:15...not to mention chubby...not a good option...not a good ripple." And so on.
To take it further though, and certainly more importantly, how will the decisions we make impact others?
There are some ripples that simply can't be predicted. When you make a decision, sometimes there are miserable ripples set into motion, one that you didn't want or anticipate. Ripples that can cause pain. I'm sure LeBron was completely blindsided by the backlash from "The Decision". I am pretty sure that he didn't intend to infuriate and ostracize his fans. As the ripples have faded some, he's recovered some ground. It's been over a year now. Just look how far the impact of that ripple has traveled.
All of us have made decisions, choices, that have rippled poorly, whether on us or on those we love. Whether the choices have been naive, negligent or just plain stupid, it happens and it sucks. It's a part of life to learn and grow by falling down and getting back up again; by making mistakes and hopefully learning not to repeat them. The pain we feel or that we unintentionally subject others to is hard to accept.
But we can go forward, by starting our own new ripple. If we've made poor decisions, ones that have caused pain, we can vow to avoid those mistakes going forward. If we've been impacted by the ripple of someone else's poor decisions, we can also find a way to send out our own ripple. We can start a fresh line of thinking, one that's focused and positive. We can control how we act and react so we don't perpetuate an inadvertently negative ripple. We can start our own flow of positivity, create our own ripple of thoughtful awareness, so that we know in our hearts that we aren't intentionally swamping anyone with the effects of careless actions or negative thoughts.
We can decide.
On the one hand, you have a man who needs to decide what to do career-wise. Just like any other bread-winner, a lot of factors go into such a choice. What would be best for his family? What would be best for him personally? What would he leave behind? The choice he makes here would ripple throughout his family's lives for the duration of them. In this case, at least on paper, he chose well.
On the other hand, you have a superb athlete with aspirations of super-stardom. He sees that sports give him a relatively short window in which to achieve championship level play. LeBron wants to see his name listed among the greats of this game. He wants championship rings on several fingers. His skills fully support that thinking; his team's capabilities did not. This decision also rings true, on paper.
LeBron the man, for all I know, is loving life in Miami. Hopefully his family is too. I have no idea of the financial particulars of his new contract but I'm sure his family is being very well provided for. "The Decision", at least in this direction, has started a series of ripples that make sense for them all.
LeBron the basketball superstar, however, is still, one year later, recovering from the ripples he put into play with "The Decision". With his choice to broadcast his career move on live television, he turned many a sports fan away. His shameless self-promotion started a flood of ripples outward that quickly reversed and swamped him. His now former team felt betrayed. The way the Cavaliers played in the wake of LeBron's 'defection' certainly reflects that ripple. His home city and state also felt let down...everything from burning his jersey in the street to achieving new heights of creativity with anti-LeBron signs when the Heat visited Cleveland reflects that ripple. A man previously admired not only for his basketball skills but for his personality and on-screen presence was shocked to find himself hated. That last ripple had to be a hard one to swallow.
"The Decision" = Diverse and Widespread Ripples; not all of them positive.
We all make decisions, from the miniscule to the all-encompassing, every second we're awake. From what to have for breakfast all the way on up to deciding if our country needs to go to war, we are deciding. Choosing. Opting. And rippling. "If I have a donut for breakfast, the ripples will be..." "If I don't save enough money to retire, the ripples will be..." "If I engage our country in war, the ripples will be..."
The key here, of course, is in the awareness. To some degree, the ripple can be controlled, if you make a decision with awareness and thought. "A donut will make me sleepy and starving by 9:15...not to mention chubby...not a good option...not a good ripple." And so on.
To take it further though, and certainly more importantly, how will the decisions we make impact others?
There are some ripples that simply can't be predicted. When you make a decision, sometimes there are miserable ripples set into motion, one that you didn't want or anticipate. Ripples that can cause pain. I'm sure LeBron was completely blindsided by the backlash from "The Decision". I am pretty sure that he didn't intend to infuriate and ostracize his fans. As the ripples have faded some, he's recovered some ground. It's been over a year now. Just look how far the impact of that ripple has traveled.
All of us have made decisions, choices, that have rippled poorly, whether on us or on those we love. Whether the choices have been naive, negligent or just plain stupid, it happens and it sucks. It's a part of life to learn and grow by falling down and getting back up again; by making mistakes and hopefully learning not to repeat them. The pain we feel or that we unintentionally subject others to is hard to accept.
But we can go forward, by starting our own new ripple. If we've made poor decisions, ones that have caused pain, we can vow to avoid those mistakes going forward. If we've been impacted by the ripple of someone else's poor decisions, we can also find a way to send out our own ripple. We can start a fresh line of thinking, one that's focused and positive. We can control how we act and react so we don't perpetuate an inadvertently negative ripple. We can start our own flow of positivity, create our own ripple of thoughtful awareness, so that we know in our hearts that we aren't intentionally swamping anyone with the effects of careless actions or negative thoughts.
We can decide.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
The Reverb
It's a cool thing when the ripple you have begun bounces back to bathe you in its rings. If you move through the world with the clear, simple, unselfish desire to try and do the right thing, you aren't even looking for the ripple's effect on you. If your heart is open and you truly want to help people have their best day, their best life, you send out ripples without even trying...they just flow. Just like when 'they' say, "When you stop looking for something, that's when it will show up"; if you give all you have inside to each person you interact with, the goodness rebounds and washes right back over little ol' you.
A key lesson I learned as a student in massage school is this; "It's not about the therapist." In other words, you are to greet each client with an open mind, meet them where they are, and provide them with the best experience possible, no matter what the purpose of their appointment is. You can always make suggestions based on what you've learned, but ultimately, it's about them, not you. There is no room for a therapist with a giant ego in a massage session, no matter how educated they may be. The humble therapist wipes the slate clean each and every session, even those sessions with clients they've seen month after month. The humble therapist, no matter his specialty, sends an immediate ripple of acceptance, love and safety toward his client.
It's no secret that I absolutely love my work as a licensed massage therapist. LOVE it! Most of the time I don't even have to say that out loud...it pretty much squeezes out from my pores like sunshine through a screen door. No matter how my day has begun or is progressing, whether I feel sad or sick or grouchy or frustrated, the minute I greet my client with a handshake, the ripple is cast. My silly personal dramas vanish and the focus shifts to the client. I feel awesome the minute my hands contact them. The ripples continue to spread.
As the session progresses, any number of scenarios unfold. However, the common denominator is that the client's stress melts away. That's why they come. Clients may be silent. They may speak only to guide you toward their discomfort or provide feedback on what's evolving for them relief-wise. They may spend a few minutes catching up with you if they are a regular visitor to your table. They may even spend the entire session talking. Sharing their stories, histories, concerns, experiences, discomforts. No matter the amount of conversation, the vibe is relaxing. More stress melts away.
This is where the ripples begin their reverb. If I have truly listened to my client, heard them well and interpreted clearly what they've asked for, and we have then spent the entire session talking, I have truly been blessed with return ripples of love and gratitude. Reminders over and over again of the many reasons I am so happy and fulfilled in my work. Getting to know a person while helping them to feel better, relax, recharge, restart, and go forward well...such a great thing!
As the session comes to a close, I thank my client for coming to my table. Often I will say something like this before I leave the room, "I enjoyed talking with you. It's not ever supposed to be about the therapist, but it's been my absolute pleasure to share some healing time with you today. I hope you continue to feel well, and that I'll see you again soon."
Once out of the room, I savor the ripples that have come back to me. I can happily bask in them, knowing I sent them out with the best possible intentions. I have received a gift from this client, a gift I treasure.
It's my pleasure, but more importantly my privilege, to give the gift of massage. To send a more mellow and peaceful person into the world means I shared a little of my sunshine, and got a ton of it right back.
A key lesson I learned as a student in massage school is this; "It's not about the therapist." In other words, you are to greet each client with an open mind, meet them where they are, and provide them with the best experience possible, no matter what the purpose of their appointment is. You can always make suggestions based on what you've learned, but ultimately, it's about them, not you. There is no room for a therapist with a giant ego in a massage session, no matter how educated they may be. The humble therapist wipes the slate clean each and every session, even those sessions with clients they've seen month after month. The humble therapist, no matter his specialty, sends an immediate ripple of acceptance, love and safety toward his client.
It's no secret that I absolutely love my work as a licensed massage therapist. LOVE it! Most of the time I don't even have to say that out loud...it pretty much squeezes out from my pores like sunshine through a screen door. No matter how my day has begun or is progressing, whether I feel sad or sick or grouchy or frustrated, the minute I greet my client with a handshake, the ripple is cast. My silly personal dramas vanish and the focus shifts to the client. I feel awesome the minute my hands contact them. The ripples continue to spread.
As the session progresses, any number of scenarios unfold. However, the common denominator is that the client's stress melts away. That's why they come. Clients may be silent. They may speak only to guide you toward their discomfort or provide feedback on what's evolving for them relief-wise. They may spend a few minutes catching up with you if they are a regular visitor to your table. They may even spend the entire session talking. Sharing their stories, histories, concerns, experiences, discomforts. No matter the amount of conversation, the vibe is relaxing. More stress melts away.
This is where the ripples begin their reverb. If I have truly listened to my client, heard them well and interpreted clearly what they've asked for, and we have then spent the entire session talking, I have truly been blessed with return ripples of love and gratitude. Reminders over and over again of the many reasons I am so happy and fulfilled in my work. Getting to know a person while helping them to feel better, relax, recharge, restart, and go forward well...such a great thing!
As the session comes to a close, I thank my client for coming to my table. Often I will say something like this before I leave the room, "I enjoyed talking with you. It's not ever supposed to be about the therapist, but it's been my absolute pleasure to share some healing time with you today. I hope you continue to feel well, and that I'll see you again soon."
Once out of the room, I savor the ripples that have come back to me. I can happily bask in them, knowing I sent them out with the best possible intentions. I have received a gift from this client, a gift I treasure.
It's my pleasure, but more importantly my privilege, to give the gift of massage. To send a more mellow and peaceful person into the world means I shared a little of my sunshine, and got a ton of it right back.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Throw Your Own Stone!
A friend said to me the other day that she'd been thinking about the ripple and she wanted to ask me, "Do you think the ripple just keeps on going?" I said "I do. I believe that initial action sets several other actions in motion. From those several others, multiple actions occur. They go on forever." She said that she thinks her ripples have just stopped! After we cracked up about that, I told her, "Then throw something into the pond and start a new ripple all your own! See what happens!"
So much of the ripple effect, as I interpret it, is in the 'letting go'. However, this doesn't mean that you have no control over what happens to you. If you are in a place that doesn't fulfill you, makes no sense, is painful or sad, or you're in some kind of danger, by all means, toss something into the water and get your own ripples started, now!
Not only can this result in a lot of positive things coming your way, it also can stop negativity cold. If you start your own ripple, and reap positive rewards, you see and feel immediate changes. That in itself begets more ripples. For you and everyone around you.
It's easy to get comfortable in your dissatisfaction. Excuses are always readily available. Without a doubt, there are often things that are simply beyond your control. But when you find the things you can control and you shift your thoughts, feelings and focus toward those things, you are the beginner of the ripple. You feel empowered, which encourages you to create more ripples. You head out to the world with a new clarity. When you interact with others, wearing this renewed sense of purpose, the ripples glide over those people, combine with theirs and, as that old commercial says, "It just keeps going and going and going....." It has to begin somewhere. Why not with you?
Grab a stone! Chuck it into the pond! See what ripples you can set into motion, not just for yourself, but for all those you meet.
Thanks Hillary! xo
So much of the ripple effect, as I interpret it, is in the 'letting go'. However, this doesn't mean that you have no control over what happens to you. If you are in a place that doesn't fulfill you, makes no sense, is painful or sad, or you're in some kind of danger, by all means, toss something into the water and get your own ripples started, now!
Not only can this result in a lot of positive things coming your way, it also can stop negativity cold. If you start your own ripple, and reap positive rewards, you see and feel immediate changes. That in itself begets more ripples. For you and everyone around you.
It's easy to get comfortable in your dissatisfaction. Excuses are always readily available. Without a doubt, there are often things that are simply beyond your control. But when you find the things you can control and you shift your thoughts, feelings and focus toward those things, you are the beginner of the ripple. You feel empowered, which encourages you to create more ripples. You head out to the world with a new clarity. When you interact with others, wearing this renewed sense of purpose, the ripples glide over those people, combine with theirs and, as that old commercial says, "It just keeps going and going and going....." It has to begin somewhere. Why not with you?
Grab a stone! Chuck it into the pond! See what ripples you can set into motion, not just for yourself, but for all those you meet.
Thanks Hillary! xo
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Meeting Rick
The year was 1997. Some big changes were in store for me and my family. Just how far-reaching those changes would be, I had no idea.
My daughter was entering kindergarten. I had been very fortunate to be a stay-at-home Mom while my kids were small, but now it was time for me to figure out what to do with myself. Not only to finally make a financial contribution, but to see what I was interested in doing. Not much income to being a homemaker.
I decided that I would look into a job at Pier 1 Imports. After all, who doesn't like Pier 1? On a whim, I called the store closest to me. A lady named Deb answered the phone. The ripple had begun.
She said, "This is so weird! I just had someone give their notice for the hours you can work. Can you come in and fill out an application?" We set up a time to meet.
A few days later, I went to the store. I felt no nervousness at all, even though it had been years since I had applied for a job. I met Deb and we hit it off right away. She is funny, edgy, strong and creative. I immediately felt at ease, comfortable in the atmosphere there. I knew I had found a fit. I filled out the application as we chatted, and she said she'd be in touch.
Long story short, I got the job. Deb told me when I called a few days later, "I think you're cool and I'm going to hire you." We became fast friends.
Fast-forward several years. Deb and I remained friends, even as she changed jobs and changed back again; even as I became separated and moved into an apartment of my own. As I was learning how to make my way alone in the world, Deb had taken a job at Wild Oats Market.
She called me one day to ask if I'd be interested in a position at Wild Oats. Right up my alley, more pay and once again working with my friend. It wasn't immediately attractive to me...long commute, lots of transition for me personally. But that Deb, she's persuasive! I applied and got the job as 'Mercantile Goddess'.
The move to this new position came draped in turmoil. I was overwhelmed with all the change in my life, and extremely concerned about my brand-new nephew, Evan, born very prematurely. I went into a tailspin. Almost 3 weeks of blank nothingness followed. My Mom was worried and thought maybe I'd bitten off more than I could chew with the new job. I gave it some thought but ultimately soldiered through and stayed at Wild Oats. To catch the next wave of ripples, I can see now. Since, having beat my struggles and hung in there, I met Rick.
Deb introduced us, naturally. Being that I am pretty good at customer service, I had helped Rick at the store. He often had breakfast or lunch there and we'd occasionally greet one another. Eventually, I began doing my paperwork with him as he ate his breakfast. We became friends, and of course, so much more. In October, 2004, we began dating.
Today is our 3rd wedding anniversary. Rick and I were married late in the afternoon on the beach in Connecticut. My kids and my parents were there. We are as much in love today as we were then, even more so. And we owe so much of it to the ripples that Deb put into play.
Had she not seen something in me and hired me, had we not shared so much fun and creativity together, had we lost touch when she left Pier 1 for another job, had we drifted when I was learning how to live alone, had I backed out of the Mercantile Goddess position when I fell into that depression, had Deb not encouraged me to start eating and smiling again, had I been a Yankee fan and uninterested in 'the Red Sox guy', had any of these things changed...well, who knows?
My daughter was entering kindergarten. I had been very fortunate to be a stay-at-home Mom while my kids were small, but now it was time for me to figure out what to do with myself. Not only to finally make a financial contribution, but to see what I was interested in doing. Not much income to being a homemaker.
I decided that I would look into a job at Pier 1 Imports. After all, who doesn't like Pier 1? On a whim, I called the store closest to me. A lady named Deb answered the phone. The ripple had begun.
She said, "This is so weird! I just had someone give their notice for the hours you can work. Can you come in and fill out an application?" We set up a time to meet.
A few days later, I went to the store. I felt no nervousness at all, even though it had been years since I had applied for a job. I met Deb and we hit it off right away. She is funny, edgy, strong and creative. I immediately felt at ease, comfortable in the atmosphere there. I knew I had found a fit. I filled out the application as we chatted, and she said she'd be in touch.
Long story short, I got the job. Deb told me when I called a few days later, "I think you're cool and I'm going to hire you." We became fast friends.
Fast-forward several years. Deb and I remained friends, even as she changed jobs and changed back again; even as I became separated and moved into an apartment of my own. As I was learning how to make my way alone in the world, Deb had taken a job at Wild Oats Market.
She called me one day to ask if I'd be interested in a position at Wild Oats. Right up my alley, more pay and once again working with my friend. It wasn't immediately attractive to me...long commute, lots of transition for me personally. But that Deb, she's persuasive! I applied and got the job as 'Mercantile Goddess'.
The move to this new position came draped in turmoil. I was overwhelmed with all the change in my life, and extremely concerned about my brand-new nephew, Evan, born very prematurely. I went into a tailspin. Almost 3 weeks of blank nothingness followed. My Mom was worried and thought maybe I'd bitten off more than I could chew with the new job. I gave it some thought but ultimately soldiered through and stayed at Wild Oats. To catch the next wave of ripples, I can see now. Since, having beat my struggles and hung in there, I met Rick.
Deb introduced us, naturally. Being that I am pretty good at customer service, I had helped Rick at the store. He often had breakfast or lunch there and we'd occasionally greet one another. Eventually, I began doing my paperwork with him as he ate his breakfast. We became friends, and of course, so much more. In October, 2004, we began dating.
Today is our 3rd wedding anniversary. Rick and I were married late in the afternoon on the beach in Connecticut. My kids and my parents were there. We are as much in love today as we were then, even more so. And we owe so much of it to the ripples that Deb put into play.
Had she not seen something in me and hired me, had we not shared so much fun and creativity together, had we lost touch when she left Pier 1 for another job, had we drifted when I was learning how to live alone, had I backed out of the Mercantile Goddess position when I fell into that depression, had Deb not encouraged me to start eating and smiling again, had I been a Yankee fan and uninterested in 'the Red Sox guy', had any of these things changed...well, who knows?
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Inspiration
Sometimes when you least expect it, and maybe when you aren't even looking for it, inspiration comes from the most wondrous places. So much in the world inspires me in small but vivid ways. A ripple of sharing is what has inspired me today.
My daughter Natalie is a talented and gifted photographer. No parental bias...well, maybe a little. Seriously, she has a perspective and an eye that just amaze me. The simplest items or actions, caught in a split-second, gain life and meaning when she views them through her lens. The beauty that we know exists in each and every human being glows and vibrates through her lens. The world gains little shooting stars when her photos are displayed. Just remarkable.
My husband Rick, a man of many talents and gifts himself, has added blogger to his long list of accomplishments. His work is a thought-provoking melting pot of art and knowledge, science and beauty. As he has gathered art for his blog, he has reached out to Natalie, who has been contributing her brilliant photographs to Rick's blog posts. It has been a wonderful partnership; warms my heart for sure.
By reaching out to Natalie, including her art in his blog and opening new eyes to Natalie's work as well as his own, he has reminded Natalie of her passion for creating her art. Today as I visited Facebook, I saw that Natalie has a new blog called eyes open. I, not one to enjoy being called a follower, became the first to follow...if I actually did it right!
As I completed this process, I was directly reminded that I myself began a blog quite awhile ago, called The Ripple. Until now, I had not posted. At all.
THAT'S the ripple. THAT'S how things go. They start with one little motion, and they grow. One action begets another. As those two motions break off, they intersect with others. Until the people I love reached out to one another in collaboration, setting off ripples in many directions, I was not inspired to post. But the ripples Rick and Natalie set into motion reached me and my eyes were opened! I LOVE this stuff!
The next time you are inspired, take a few minutes and see if you can trace back the ripples. You never know where your inspiration may come from. You never know how your actions may inspire someone else. And if that someone is someone you love, well, it doesn't get better than that.
My daughter Natalie is a talented and gifted photographer. No parental bias...well, maybe a little. Seriously, she has a perspective and an eye that just amaze me. The simplest items or actions, caught in a split-second, gain life and meaning when she views them through her lens. The beauty that we know exists in each and every human being glows and vibrates through her lens. The world gains little shooting stars when her photos are displayed. Just remarkable.
My husband Rick, a man of many talents and gifts himself, has added blogger to his long list of accomplishments. His work is a thought-provoking melting pot of art and knowledge, science and beauty. As he has gathered art for his blog, he has reached out to Natalie, who has been contributing her brilliant photographs to Rick's blog posts. It has been a wonderful partnership; warms my heart for sure.
By reaching out to Natalie, including her art in his blog and opening new eyes to Natalie's work as well as his own, he has reminded Natalie of her passion for creating her art. Today as I visited Facebook, I saw that Natalie has a new blog called eyes open. I, not one to enjoy being called a follower, became the first to follow...if I actually did it right!
As I completed this process, I was directly reminded that I myself began a blog quite awhile ago, called The Ripple. Until now, I had not posted. At all.
THAT'S the ripple. THAT'S how things go. They start with one little motion, and they grow. One action begets another. As those two motions break off, they intersect with others. Until the people I love reached out to one another in collaboration, setting off ripples in many directions, I was not inspired to post. But the ripples Rick and Natalie set into motion reached me and my eyes were opened! I LOVE this stuff!
The next time you are inspired, take a few minutes and see if you can trace back the ripples. You never know where your inspiration may come from. You never know how your actions may inspire someone else. And if that someone is someone you love, well, it doesn't get better than that.
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