What comes to mind when you think of the word compassion? I checked the dictionary and, according to Webster, compassion means deep sympathy.
With all the stuff we see in the world today, it's easy to remember a time when you felt compassion. Natural disasters, illnesses and deaths, crimes against humanity...we feel for those affected. Our sympathy is aroused and we feel like we want to help, somehow, some way. We often act on that desire to help, to give back. We travel to affected areas and offer up our time or services. We volunteer to help those that can not help themselves for whatever reason. Perhaps in our jobs we work tirelessly to improve laws or boundaries or protection. Maybe we work to help people simply feel better.
We have seen what our fellow man is experiencing and, to a lesser degree, we feel it ourselves. We are compassionate.
Recently, compassion was the topic of a Weight Watchers meeting I attended. We were asked if we thought we were compassionate people. Most of our hands went up. In my work, I have to be in touch with my compassionate side in order to help my clients feel their best, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I listen to their concerns with my full concentration and spend our sessions showing them how much I care and how much I want to help.
Next at the meeting we were asked if we were just as compassionate with ourselves. I can tell you, hardly any hands went up this time. We looked around the room at one another, uncomfortable, pondering. What's this about? We all feel that we have compassion, but when it comes to our own self, no?
Wow.
The leader gave an example. Your friend falls off the diet wagon and eats an entire bag of Oreos. She calls you and tells you about it. You do...what? Judge, berate and criticize our friend for her mistake? Of course not! We gave our answers...don't let this little bump in the road stop you from achieving your goals, we all make mistakes, be a little more careful with your calories for the next few days, maybe take an extra walk this week. Compassion, in other words.
Then the leader asked how we treat ourselves when we fall off the wagon. I can tell you that compassion was not the word! We all agreed that when we make the same missteps as our peers, while we might comfort and support them compassionately, we beat the heck out of ourselves! Now, does that seem fair? Not so much.
Our leader really got me thinking. I spare barely an ounce of compassion for myself, saving and spending almost all of it on others. Not fair to me, certainly, but not fair to others in my life either! Think of how much more help I could be to others if I worked harder to treat myself equally as well, with just as much compassion. Give myself the pat on the back, the words of encouragement, the benefit of the doubt. Just think of it!
If you are in the business of compassion, if you are a person who feels for those around you, then start with YOU. Start with YOU! Love yourself as you love others, and you'll love others better for it. Save some compassion for your own sweet self, and watch the ripple of compassion multiply. It has to start somewhere! Why not with you?
