A Father's Day Toast

Forty years ago this September, something tragic and immensely impactful happened, to me and my entire family.  The ripple is still spreading, even all these years later.

Forty years ago, I was 6 years old.  My parents had moved quickly when growing their family...by age 6 I already had 5 younger siblings. My parents had known each other their entire lives, but had been married just 7 years.  My Mom stayed at home with us, which is what most moms did then.  My Dad was a gifted mechanic who worked both as an employee and on his own.

After dinner on September 22nd, 1971, my Dad kissed my Mom and headed out the door to help fix a friend's VW Beetle.

He never came home.

Details remain murky to this day...no specific cause was ever determined...but the long and short of it is this; my Dad was at the wheel as he and a friend headed home after repairing the car.  The Beetle failed to negotiate a curve and struck a huge tree.  My Dad was killed instantly. A brief lifetime, 27 years, snuffed out just like that.

A ripple had begun.

I was of course young, we all were. I remember a few details of that night as they impacted me, but most of what my Mom felt I couldn't fully comprehend until I was much older.  However, I can tell you this with clarity;

My Mom did not cave in.

She somehow found a way to keep going, to continue parenting, and to find herself.  This necessary new version of Ann, now a widow at 27, with six small children, figured out how to soldier on.

Some time much later, my Mom's good friend Jeanne convinced her one night to go out for a drink or two. And it was here that the ripple continued.  For it was that night, in a nightclub called The Dial Tone, that my Mom met the man we now call Dad.

He was oh, so young!  Celebrating his 21st birthday! He and my Mom caught each other's eye somehow.  Those details belong to my Mom and Dad alone.  I just know that a ripple brought them together that night. And that night changed my life...all of our lives.

I remember meeting Eric (as I called him for several years).  I came home from school one day and he was there.  I had never seen a man with a ponytail!  It hung halfway down his back.  His beard was reddish and bushy. I remember showing him some of my toys.  I remember liking him.

I don't know much about their courtship.  I just know that I remember very little of my life that didn't have him in it.  I know that he made my Mom so happy...she just lit up when he was around. I know that, thinking back, it's incredible that a 21-year-old guy would take on the responsibility of six small children when he decided he couldn't live without my Mom.  I know that I love him very, very much.

Losing a parent at such a young age is a defining event.  The key is, what is the definition?  What path to take? What ripples to follow?  I could have had a completely miserable childhood; welfare, bad influences, neglect. I could have become a victim.  I didn't. What started with a horrendous circumstance has rippled forward with a positive outcome.  I lost my biological Dad, but, sad as that was, I am in many ways a better person today for having my 'step' Dad in my life.

The ripple that began with my DNA is what makes me me. The ensuing ripples that began with meeting my Dad as a little girl contribute greatly too.  I'm so grateful for the traits I share with my biological Dad...I'm handy with tools, I love to go fast in any vehicle, I have his brown eyes, big smile and sense of humor.  I am doubly fortunate to have had a Dad to grow up with...one who is so mellow and peaceful, gives the best hugs ever, introduced me to the joys of antique cars and flea markets, and helped give me and all my siblings a profoundly blessed life.

I raise my glass today! To the Dad I lost long ago and to the Dad I've had the privilege of knowing and loving for all these years.  Happy Father's Day to two exceptional fathers, from one very lucky and grateful daughter.

Cheers!

With so much love and gratitude,

Pamela Jean